H's MLC #8 Never Let them see you sweat!

[job]

Happy,
Your frustration is ringing out loud and clear. It's difficult when you have a MLCer at home because they are right there in your face. He may not even realize how he is behaving because he's not really focused on you right now. Keep in mind his empathy chip is broken and they can only focus on themselves and how they feel.

Here's the thing...your changes have to be for you and only you. You don't do them to get a reaction out of your h. You had been doing really well up until Valentine's Day. Even though you say you aren't "expecting" things from him...you still are. You are looking for any reaction from him and he's deep in the tunnel and it's going to take a while before he even begins to clear the fog from his eyes.

What I suggest is to treat him as a room mate. Would you text a room mate about an appointment and then text them again to ask if they got the message? I don't think so. Text him once w/the info and leave it be. Do you treat him as you would your son, i.e., being a mom? Think about that one just a bit. If your answer is yes, then stop being a mother to your man/child.

Yes, go to the wedding w/him if he should ask you to go w/him. Yes, you can take his calls, but don't be readily available all of the time. Yes, you can talk to him when you are home...but have some things that keep you busy so that you aren't spending so much time w/him. You've got to learn to be a "separate" individual from the "couple" that you have been in the past. Each of you need your space, especially him.

There comes a time when you need to think about what YOU want to do w/your life. If you think you are strong enough to have a conversation w/him about where the relationship is going and what you would need to meet your needs, then do it, but don't bring up the word divorce. You will need to stay calm and not be emotional about it.

Your h is very comfortable w/the way things are right now and has been for a while. You and only you can decide whether to rock the boat by having a conversation w/him, doing something different or continuing as you have been. If you want to continue as you have been, then you are going to need to find outside resources to help you get rid of that frustration, i.e., such as a hobby, the gym, walking, etc. Your frustration is going to eventually bubble up and you will explode either on your son or your h. It's best to get this stuff out of your system. If it helps come here and do the venting...but you will still need to do some work on the frustration in your real world.

Are you willing to wait another 1-3 years for his crisis to be over? As I stated above, you are the only one that can decide what you want to do. Don't be afraid to try different things. If something doesn't work, try something else.