Indeed. Pretty sure she just went to a bar for a few hours, watched a baseball game. Detach, detach, detach!
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
A little more on my situation: While the first post indicates all of the "landmark" bad times of our entire relationship, there have been many good times as well. I have always been a "nice guy", soft-spoken and gentle, and a little bit clingy. She has always been strong-willed and independent.
At BD, I begged, pleaded, and tried to understand why. That's what led me to the writings I included in my first post.
I found out that she had first mentioned D to my SIL, over 2 years ago! Nothing was ever said to me, until a couple weeks before BD, when she said she wasn't happy, and that there was nothing I could do to fix it.
Speaking of fixing, during our post-BD conversation, she mentioned that she spent all this time trying to fix me, and that she lost herself in the process. In the same breath, though, she said she knows who she is, and what she wants, that she was hurt and angry, but not confused.
We have separated our assets, agreed upon co-parenting, and support $. She warned (similar to pre-BD) that there was a good chance we would not be able to work this out. I had hope the first time she said it, and I still have hope now.
I pray every night for God to take on our situation and guide us on our paths, not necessarily to lead us back to each other, but to lead us to happiness.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
I should also add, she is definitely speaking in absolutes as well. She was never happy, I have always been mean and manipulative, always trying to control the outcome of the situation, always focused on money.
I concede that these things have been true, at times, but I thought I was trying to do what was best for our family.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
Nothing was ever said to me, until a couple weeks before BD, when she said she wasn't happy, and that there was nothing I could do to fix it.
Although I normally say not to believe anything she says. I would believe the above quote.
She is unhappy and YOU can not FIX her!
NOTHING you can say or do will FIX her, that she must do herself. You can FIX yourself, and then that may re-attract her back or it may not. You only want her back if she is FIXING herself though - OK?
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks Cadet. I have both books, and have been keeping them to myself.
I use my work laptop for browsing and posting, and it is secured by fingerprint and password for work security purposes. Same with my smartphone. I don't clear the history often due to work, but I believe my devices are secure enough to prevent prying eyes, particularly since W has no interest in it.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
I know we can't fix each other, and it was only recently I realized that. We can only fix ourselves, and we have to love ourselves before we can really love others.
Through messages I have seen from OM, she is involved with someone who makes her feel like she can fix him, so it plays right into her mentality.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
I stopped smoking pot within a couple months of our son being born. I did it because I finally decided to "put away childish things", as it were. I have always looked at porn, but it peaked during the pregnancy, and for a while thereafter.
Quote:
My plans are to go to the gym (I have already lost 50 pounds in the past 6 weeks, down to 250), get out with old friends, make new ones, and most importantly, be the best damn father I can be. Getting out and GAL, taking care of my house, and reconnecting with the "happy me" are important
Fantastic! Having the determination to carry through in the dark periods of life can be a real test. Do this for "you". Do this for your son. Do this for your future and whoever shares it with you.
It may look impossible at the moment, but I believe this M could actually be saved. It may take a couple of years........maybe more, maybe less. Can you hang with it?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I absolutely can hang with it! My only worry is that she will not be able to, and will file for D, perhaps immediately, perhaps later. I know I have to stop projecting those feelings, and I have been getting better... The hardest part has been being in the same house for the past 6 weeks after BD, and riding the rollercoaster in her presence.
Me: 30, W: 29 S: 4 T: 14 M: 5 BD: March, 2015, ILYBNILWY, IDLY, Need Space OM, EA/PA Discovered (drunken kissing, she says she stopped there? NOPE!): March 2015 S: April 25th, 2015
