Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Zues126]

Your gut is right in one important way...it won't happen in this lifetime. You're cooked. You're M is over and you will have to go through all of the grieving process. If by chance you do a great job becoming a great H, and someday she notices...it will seem so far distant you won't remember the person you were today or how you felt.

I'm 10 months in tomorrow, just realized. At this point I'm maybe 75% of the way to detachment. Reconciliation hasn't been a serious thought of mine for a long time. We haven't spoken since November and I haven't been emotionally in pursuit since then either. I have been letting go more and more, originally letting go of desire, then letting go of anger.

Now the thought of R not only seems absurd, it's almost undesirable. I'm looking forward to when the day comes that my D is final, and looking forward to how healthy and strong I feel in another year. And I'm looking forward to how good of an H I can be for my next woman. I'm excited for the conversation, getting to know her, finding someone that shares the vision of scaling Mr. Everest (i.e. making a M work), and that is willing to make that a serious priority and die trying. I am excited at the idea of a future M that is better than mine.

So if in a year from now my W started talking about reconciliation, I'd be like "shoot". I thought I was going to avoid the hard painful work of piecing, I thought I was going to meet someone else and have a fresh chance at a great R. Now I've got to debate whether I am willing to reinvest in this person that I'm not confident will be able to hold her end, and a person that has enough negative history with me that the first year or two would be really difficult instead of really exciting.

Based on my commitment to M I'd still seriously consider working it out, but it would be based on my beliefs, not feelings. But it would depend on my sense of whether it was a good risk.

So you can see...R is still a possibility in my future, because who knows? But it is so far down the road that it's irrelevant to the pain I went through and doesn't change the fact that for all practical purposes today my M is dead forever.

Long process, marathon not a sprint. But the secret is you don't have to wait until you get remarried to be happy. In fact, if you do then you won't be anyway But in the middle of this, we're having fun, right? 2x4ing the bejesus out of each other? Good times, right Py? Can't beat chillin on the DB forums!

PS- start a new thread before Cadet puts a Mod hurting on you!