This afternoon has been good. I came home, the wife had dinner cooked for the kids and I and we sat down and ate. Everything was good, I then told her I was going for a run. When I got back, her and my D were taking a shower. I sat down and played with my S for a while until they were finished. I then told her I was going to the gym. I could tell she was surprised that I had ran and then was also going to the gym. In the past, I would have asked if it was OK to go to the gym.
Tonight, I just got up, told her and the children bye, and left. Not anything cold hearted, but simply GALing without her approval. I came back home and her phone was lying on the bed. It's one of those things that just tick away at your mind. I wonder if she has said anything to anyone? Is her EA really over? You know, the type of thoughts that can drive someone mad. So, I looked at her phone. Did not appear to see anything that would indicate the EA still existed.
OM is supposed to be leaving the job tomorrow and then be gone for 3 months. She told me that this was a blessing in disguise. I'm not sure that I agree with that thinking, but we shall see. I know there is still some level of attachment to him. Of course there is. In fantasy land, he is the knight in shining armor.
In days past (like literally, 2 weeks ago), I would have asked her about some of her text messages. The general BS text messages to other co-workers about work related stuff. Why is co-worker woman telling you not to tell anyone about the discussion you guys had last week when she was emotional and crying? In reality, I don't care. I have to let go in this way.
If things don't directly impact our M or my W is unwilling to share them, then I cannot care. I was smiling and looking into her eyes when she told me about her day just a moment ago. I just was nodding my head like a bobble head when she was talking. I care, don't get me wrong, but I don't want to sabotage saving our M. I don't want to be too worried about her day or too involved at this point.
Boy, does it hurt saying that, and hurts even more acting that out, but it is what it is. My D turns 3 on Saturday and my W said that we should go get her birthday present on Saturday. Then I could make one of my famous birthday cakes for her and we could celebrate. I said, sure, sounds like a great time with and for the kids.
To note, I originally had said that I was did a 180 on doing all of the housework like a weak H. When I left the house on Tuesday (went to the bar, well, at least said I went there), I came home and both of the childrens rooms were cleaned by her. She said she didn't know what else to do (especially since I had just up and left). Today, I come home and most of the clothes are washed and she even cleaned the dishes.
I point this out to say that doing things that seem counter-intuitive actually works. I hate to say we can manipulate others by our actions, but that is definitely the truth. I know it's small, but it was something today I laughed about while running. Here I was, when in the past would simply do the housework, over and over and over, and let the resentment build up. I go out 'out the bar' one night and the housework roles have shifted. Maybe temporarily, but they still shifted in this moment.
More MBing, wait, DBing, to follow. MR arrives in the mail either tomorrow or Saturday. I cannot wait to read that!
M: 6 years, together 11 M: 31 W: 30 D 2, S 4 BD 3/26/15 (EA with OM)
