Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Zues126]

Py, you're right about the fact that some WAW's will find a way to interpret everything you do as negative. My STBX sent me a nasty text about how a bill I had said I would pay was coming due and would be direct debited out of her account if I didn't pay it. I quickly threw in money into her account so it would cover the direct deposit. She then texted me back that I was "screwing up her proof of income" because the government programs she's applying for look at bank deposits to determine eligibility. Had she simply asked me not to make deposits in her account when possible I'd get it. But it was a SMALL amount (very unlikely to screw up anything) and it just seemed likely that she has decided to be outraged by what I do even before I do it, then she just picks something to sneer about.

But- none of that has anything to do with me, and the problems I exhibited that contributed to her feeling negatively towards me. The only reason that's important to remember is to stay focused on YOUR task:

1. Detach. You DO NOT want your sense of worth to be tied to her opinions or moods right now. And trying to find ways to be extremely noble isn't necessary. It's not necessarily appropriate to be Mr. Nice Guy, and it will only set you up with expectations that she'll give a rat's behind. Treat her like you would a drive through teller at Starbucks. Casually polite and disinterested in more than getting the cup of coffee you paid for.

2. Less is more. If it's not a question you don't need to reply. If it's not about the kids you don't need to reply. You can, but you don't have to. If it's about the kids and it's relevant, you can boil it down to one sentence. And if she has a stinging retort or says something inflammatory, DO NOT be drawn in to defending yourself. Just let it go.

3. NEVER FORGET what you did that contributed to her feeling this way. She is just mirroring the pain you created. I know you know this already, but when you aren't fully detached and get lashed at again and again it can be easy to lose sight of. This is the bed you made. Now you get to learn how to do things a bit differently.

Glad you're reading my thread and DB/DR. Keep going.