First, I want to sincerely thank all of you for taking time out of your lives to provide advice and support. I appreciate it more than you know.
Starsky, you asked me who pays for her cell phone. I pay all the bills and everything is in my name. I work and my wife takes care of the kids and goes to school. All of our income comes from my work. We have always maintained a joint bank account, nothing separate. The money has always been "ours", again nothing separate.
In an earlier post I said that I was "ignoring" the A. Although it does not say that in DR, that was my interpretation of what I should do. Since my wife refuses to end the A, I thought any action of mine regarding the A would be seen as pressuring/pursuing and ultimately move her closer to the OM. I thought I was supposed to back away and focus on me, not the affair. I guess I interpreted that wrong.
I like the idea of setting boundaries but I have some questions:
What if she refuses my request to stop calling/texting in the house?
When she calls/texts now, it's been a "don't ask, don't tell" thing. It's the white elephant I the room that we don't talk about. What if she continues the calls/texts after agreeing to my request? What if I ask her and she lies about it? The only way for me to catch her would be to check the phone records. I thought I wasn't supposed to do that?
Should I skip the request entirely and cut-off her cell phone service?
What if she questions the idea of boundaries... "It's ok for me to have an A outside the house but not inside the house?"
What other boundaries should I set?
Also, based on everyone's advice, I definitely will not contact the OM : )
Again, thank you all. Starsky, I appreciate your experience and advice!
