I am struggling now. I really need some time to calm down and reassess my life. But, in the same time I don't want to stop the going and be depressed. I have my faith that is making miracles in me. It keeps my hope for the next day, and that's the way life has been. The next day needs to be OK.
I don't know how to understand my H messages. I wish it is positive, but deep inside I know he is with the OW and that this is the truth I live now.
I can't pretend things will be OK with us, that there is any hope we will get back together and be happy one day. All what I see now is that he is planning his life without me. He also struggles but because he is thinking only about himself.
I said with all words that he needs to contact his kids, that they are hurt and that he will lose their love. He was gone to Texas this whole week and did not sent anything. Not even a HI,how are you?.
He is very selfish and it hurts everyone. I feel sorry for him, he looks terrible, depressed...but by other hand, he knows how to get a phone and plan his next trip to France.
I really don't know what to feel anymore. I would say I am lost, and maybe it is better. I can do my best escaping from him and this way I will detach.
Like we say in Brasil: I will run from him as the devil runs from the cross.
My life is not a mess, but I am in a D process. Eventually time will come and we will sign the papers and it will all be done for good. My M is over and I need to face it.
