Sorry my dearest friends, I am so, so busy that I feel good not being married these days. Work has picked up and I have been putting a few extra hours every day.
Have a lot of extra stuff to do and my social life is pretty busy lately. In between kids, friends, class, work, dancing, gym, etc. there is no time for any H in my life.
So, my crying baby H knocked the door at 4pm - came in, a little hug (friendly), no kisses. He was limping and told me that he hit a tree during the time he was snowboarding. H was looking down, very depressed, he looks older every time I see him.
I asked if he was tired and he said he was not so tired. Then he sat there, looking at me doing my stuff. He asked how I was doing and I said I was doing fine. I asked how he was doing and he said that he does not know much.
So he start with the tears, then I asked him what was going on. He said that it is very difficult. He said that some days are not so bad but some other days are horrible. I waited a little then I asked him why he is so unhappy all the time, that he is doing what he wants, that he is free and no one is bothering him.
He said that he does not know and that is what he is trying to figure it out lately. He said that part of him is confused and part of him feels that he is doing the right thing. That he took my decision and now I need to live with it.
Then I said that would be better if he does not cry anymore, that it is not good for me, for the kids and not even for himself. I said that if coming to the house remind him of such unhappy time in in life and he feels very depressed, that he could leave the tax prep to me and would do it and then he could just leave the house.
The I did not stop and said that if he would prefer I could leave the house and only come back when he was gone, so he wouldn't be reminded of the many years of unhappiness that is written on my front head.
He stood up and said that I was understanding everything wrong and that he did not feel this way at all. That things are very different inside him. That the reason he feels bad is because he miss me, he misses his kids, misses his family, his house. That there is not even a day go by that he does not think about us, about me, then he went to the restroom to cry for awhile. I did not go after him at all.
So, I just stood there, didn't say anything. Didn't even know what to say. He does not want me, but misses me?
Then I left, went to the garage, H was after me. Stood there and start telling me about one of our friend that got divorced about 3 years ago. This guy's wife cheated on him, left him heart broken and now she is back. He still loves her and they start dating, then they decided to go to MC to give it another try.
H told me all this and then asked my opinion about it. I said that it's nice they are giving another opportunity. H said that our friend's heart was really broken when the W had the affair and left and it will take a lot of work to heal the R, and then asked me what I think about. I said that people change, things happen and we are forced to change. We lose our innocence and some things will be there, just that, we learn.
Got back inside the house and said to H that while he was doing the taxes that I would go to the supermarket to get some propane, H started helping me and came to the door. I asked if he was going to the super and he said that if I did not have any issue against it that he would like.
We went and he was ho helpful the entire time. It was the H I wanted my whole marriage, it was so nice. But I kept my cool.
Back home and he helped with the groceries. We were putting things away and he tried to hug me. I said no and did a few steps back, he tried again and I said no, not for us anymore. You have people to hug, you won't hug me. He said OK, you know I will always respect you.
