Jas, you have a such a sad, sad story. It's tragic b/c it was so unnecessary for this MR to come to this point. I was a WW and when I first arrived on the board, it would make me angry at how some men would talk about how there were no excuses for an A......ever! No matter how badly the H treated his W, she had no excuse to be unfaithful. Although I can now truthfully say I agree, I still remember how ironic and self-righteous some of those men could sound. So, I approach you today with just a couple of things I hope you will consider.
Look at these two quotes:
Quote:
You began to fear our future as a couple, and my ability to be a capable father. You continued to take these risks – baring yourself to me – until you couldn’t take the pain of my response anymore. How terrible that must have made you feel! Please know that, no matter what happens between us in the future, I will always try to be safe with your heart.
Quote:
I found out just today (4/16/15), by snooping through text messages, that the OM appears to be someone she works with. The snooping is not as painful as it was, but it does cause anger in me, and I know I need to stop, but at the same time, I feel like I might need it as evidence if I were to pursue an at-fault divorce based on adultery at some point in time.
Perhaps I do not understand how you meant "pursue an at-fault divorce based on adultery at some point in time". Maybe you can explain it to me.
What I have a hard time understanding is everything you said about yourself, and all the wonderful things you said about her....and yet, you want to pursue a D based on her adultery? How would you feel if she were to file for full child custody based on your drug addiction and whether or not you are capable of supervising a four year old child?
You have admitted to an overwhelming amount of destructive behavior as a husband, IMO. What I gathered about your treatment of your son was mostly neglect, due to the pot. If this is incorrect, you can tell me. I am not here to beat you up, b/c I have no room to point fingers at anyone. With that said, I have to wonder what you are thinking when you're considering using evidence against her.
Do you have a plan? Have you set personal goals? Have you stopped smoking? Do you intend to do anything about the porn addiction? These two addictions have ruined your life and your marriage. Not only are you experiencing the painful results from your decisions, but it will only increase if you don't do a complete 180 degree.
I think your writing skills are great. You kept me interested enough to read every word of that long post. Have you ever tried writing to her in the past? I'm not saying to do it right now, just wondered since you said you had trouble verbally expressing yourself.
I hope you will stick with us, Jas, b/c I think you need a lot of support. You'll get it here.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Have you ever tried writing to her in the past? I'm not saying to do it right now, just wondered since you said you had trouble verbally expressing yourself. 
