A few minutes ago I had a phone conversation with D14. She said that she is sad about the fact, that something as "normal" as shopping together, becomes something special. She is afraid, that there might be a time, when I only be there once a week. I encouraged her to talk about her emotions, whenever she needs it. I have told her, that she has the right to say, when she feels bad or suffers. She would have not to deal with her emotions on her own, that we as parents are responsible to listen to her, when she is sad about something. She had the idea, that she should not bother us with her emotions.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
#1 The house is rented. We have both singed the contract. #2 I have had my first counselling session this morning. We have started with my family background and it was good to look back at my roots from the position of an adult. My counsellor told me, that I should focus on myself and work on the foundations of my personality. We have not spoken about the M very much.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
I have slept a night over my decision. I will move back into the house. I have thought about my co-dependency issue and moving out of the house was a continuation of my "martyr"-behaviour (I suffer and do everything to make my W happy, so other people might discover how wonderful and loving I am). It might be the easier way to be physically detached, but I would never forgive myself being a wimp in this situation and avoid the confrontation. This is not about W, it is about getting out of MY patterns, getting my dignity back. If W starts nagging and yelling, than I have to stand it. This might all end in D, but at least I will keep my dignity and stop this never-ending cycle of pleasing the world with my behaviour. I have to do what is acceptable for me, I am no longer a child that needs the permission of others. Will it cause trouble? Yes! So be it. I will let you know, how she reacted.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
W immediately phoned me. "You can not do this." "We have to talk about it before and make a plan and go to a mediator." "Think about the negative effects on the children." "you are trying to put pressure on me." "How can I leave the M, if you don't let me?"
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
So I have moved back and W is pretty angry about it. *She tried to make me feel guilty "have you got an idea, how painful it is for the children?", *tried to impose conditions on me"when you move back, I want you to sign a separation agreement and go with me to mediation"), *tried the dominant approach "you will not move in!"
My first impulse was, to give up and say anything to get out of the conflict. But I stayed polite, but firm and now I am back home. My mattress, my slatted frames.
What are your experiences with mediation or separation agreements? Can they become a disadvantage for my situation? And regarding the "living together", what should I be aware off? Any traps, any danger zones? My plan is to GAL and spent time with the kids and I am looking for a full-time position in order to double my income.
Last edited by koalada; 04/17/1503:58 PM.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
I have never heard this word. What is a spew jacket?
Like a metal flak jacket, worn to protect yourself from incoming attacks.
This one protects you from anything she says it causes the words to bounce off you and crumble to the ground without inflicting any damage to you or your mind.
