Moments of "giddy"... I'll take 'em!

[fthnluv]

Wow! So much to catch up on here! Is has been an interesting 4 months, with much change, to say the least.

H brought OW to meet me on 12/11/14. He apparently wanted us to meet so that we could "be friends". Ugh. That meeting lasted 1.5 hours and I made sure she knew the truth about everything and how he had been deceiving her too by continuing the relationship with me while he dated/lived with her on the other coast, unbeknownst to me. He gave me permission to speak freely, claiming he had told her everything already (and it seemed he had come clean to her with much of it) but I revealed some things that I don't believe she knew. I asked that she not be introduced to the kids for 6+ months longer, for their emotional well being. He said he would think about it. He left ticked off I think and from that date forward his attitude and behavior towards me has only gotten much, much worse.

H came home to be with the kids for a bit before Christmas but went back to be with OW and her family for Christmas itself. He has then come back about once a month to see the kids. Starting in January he began to always bring the OW with him and (against my wishes) introduced the kids to her and told them he is marrying her and never wants to be with me again. He does have some clarity, my S8 once was talking to him about being his "best man" in the wedding to OW and H pointed out that S8 can't be because the best man should want the bride and the groom to be married and S8 does not want him to marry OW. At least he recognizes that.

In January he decided to cut the support he had been giving me by 40% effective immediately and told me, take it or leave it and I'll fight you in court and you'll get less. He now calls this our "agreement" which I have pointed out was an ultimatum, not an agreement. I have talked to both my D attorney and my child support attorney (D is in one state, child support in another) and they advised to take the deal he is offering. We are nearing the end of working all that out, just wording and minor tweaks left. However, he has recently really entered monster mode so I can see him blowing up at some little change and taking the deal off the table and stopping paying me any day now. I am praying that he recognizes it as his only way to get his divorce soon and he agrees. I don't want to fight him, from a financial and emotional perspective, but if we do I likely won't do much worse (and possibly could do a bit better) than his current offer. He is hell bent on divorcing and doing it soon (even sending me nasty emails that say it all must be finalized by May) and if I fight he will likely be fighting me for another 6+ months at least. He thinks he holds all the cards because he has the $ but I hold all the cards on staying married, at least for a bit, if I want to play them. I have a feeling that he and OW have a summer wedding in the works which would be why he would be in such a rush to get this done.

This change in income forced me to move out of the only home the kids have known and to a much smaller place. I am ok with that change but still getting used to the decrease in the quality of the home. I keep reminding myself that my home is not my idol. We are safe and healthy here. I also had to have surgery shortly after our move. Thankfully my parents were here to help with the kids because H could not have cared less and certainly didn't offer to take care of the kids while I recovered.

I hadn't seen him at all since Dec (he has his Mom do child exchanges) until last week. We did the child exchange due to a Dr appt for D5 and I thought it went well. I was kind and gracious and proud of the way I handled seeing them and them with my children. D5 did cry a lot as she did not want me to leave and I was able to talk to her kindly and pray with her in front of them (while they tried to make small talk with each other and turn up the radio to drown out her sobs) and I was proud of the way I handled it. H then sent me an email the day before I was to get the kids back and told me his Mom would do the exchange because it had been "unnecessarily hard" on the kids (wow! You mean these kids are hurting because of YOUR choices???) and, in addition, he did not want to see or talk to me again for any reason for the "foreseeable future". Umm.... did I do something to deserve this? No, absolutely NOTHING has happened between us (besides him monstering about weekly via email which I always respond to kindly) so I can only assume he does not like the feelings of conviction and guilt he feels when he sees or talks to me.

H has also now rented a house in a nearby town. Not sure if he just wants it to have when he is here 1 week a month so that he does not have to stay with his Mom or if he is setting up to better increase his chances of joint physical custody of the kids. I would actually welcome that, because I think the kids need their Dad in their lives. I wish I could stop the damage that the too-soon introduction of the OW is doing but there is absolutely nothing I can do about that according to my attorney. Ugh.

His latest monster actions are to send a photo home with D5 of he and OW kissing (God helped me not to scream and shout and text and email about how downright cruel and inappropriate that was and to stop using our kids as weapons to hurt me. I simply sent that photo along with other stuff with his Mom and told her I cannot have it in my house. The cruelty speaks for itself.) and then to send me an email telling me not to cash his latest check because it will not clear. Funny, he just had enough money to take OW out of the country for her (22nd!!!) birthday the week before last and enough money to rent and furnish his new place here but he didn't save enough to pay me his obligation. Unfortunately there's nothing I can do about that because nothing is ordered by the court yet.

Good times...