Also, I texted OM's W this morning to see how she was doing. Until now, she hasn't replied. Do you think this is cause for concern?
Always read back in your thread because sometimes my posts and others take awhile to get approved. I'm thankful for the job the mods do protecting this forum.
OM's wife just had her D~day yesterday so her priorities might not be communicating with you. Sometimes they over communicate sometimes they don't. Most likely she'll get back to you before this post even goes through. Remember, though, just share facts and don't try to help or counsel her and don't tell her about DB. This is your safe harbor.
I want to help you by putting your mind to ease. This is very normal typical behavior. So normal it's almost funny how predictable they behave when the truth is exposed. Your wife's reaction is no worse than many others I've seen that eventually recovered. In fact, the worse they behave the better indication it is that you were really in far worse shape than you thought AND the more obviously it is that you hit your intended target with a bullseye.
Let's put some of her comments into perspective:
If she really cared about OM's life and family that "you ruined their family" is questionable. Then why did she have an affair with OM? Affairs ruin marriages, not the truth and honesty.
The "nature of their relationship" needs explaining. I personally would have had a digital recording device with me (or an app recording my cell phone calls) wherein I would have ask my wife to please explain what she means when she says "the nature of our relationship" because you can bet that OM's wife and you both wouldn't be OK with that nature. My best guess is that she thinks "the nature of their relationship" is like soul mate kindred spirits that can't be together everyday right now because OM has small children at home and he needs to keep the secret until the kids are older, or he can get his ducks in a row and hide a bunch of money and THEN they can be together. Their plan was to steal moments to be together over the next few years which will be easier to do while she's on her own and await a day they can be together without hiding their love. In other words, she thinks it's a Magical Mystical Relationship and not some seedy sexual lustful relationship. THAT was the "nature of their relationship" which you probably destroyed by telling OM's wife.
She wanted emotion from you the other day, well she got some. Sometimes you can deconstruct their illogical complaints and use them to justify your own appropriate behavior. Something like:
"I thought long and hard about what you said the other day about me not being emotional and I decided to get in touch with my emotions and discovered that I was devastated about your affair and angry at OM for pursuing my wife. I had a couple of choices, I could either stop by your work and confront OM in the hospital in front of everyone OR talk to his wife. I choose that later, more measured reasonable less emotional approach. Besides, if you really cared about OM's family you wouldn't have had an affair with him. Affairs hurt marriages and families much more than simply telling his wife the truth about her life."
^mentioning showing up at work and confronting OM is genius here because wayward wives love sharing everything you say with their OMs. OM will take that comment as a serious threat to his safety because he inherently knows he deserves a beat down for what he's done and doing with your wife. Your wife will unwittingly be telling OM something against her best interests which will further motivate OM to dump your wife, quit his job and go home and work on his marriage without you ever having to really do anything. You are just playing on HIS fears.
I know this period [censored] but this IS progress. You are no longer a Serf waiting to see how the master (your wife) will behave and react. You are now the knight proactively fighting for you family. Sometimes you win and sometimes you don't. We can't predict what cases turn around and which don't but your odds have increased significantly just by being her at DB and being proactive.
As far as a meeting, put it off until sunday. The name of the game is delay, delay, delay. Instead of her rushing off to meet an attorney. Have her wait until sunday when she can "talk" to you. This gives her 3 days to calm down from a 10 to a 9 or 8 on the disgust scale and then you can drop your "I don't discuss divorce. I talk reconciliation. If you want to pursue a divorce that's all on you. I don't want any part in the destruction of our family". Hopefully, then she'll be too busy to meet with lawyers as the realization that OM isn't talking to her anymore will become her primary problem and not you.
On a different note ~~~ When you married, you became "One Flesh" with your wife. Any and all spirits that attack her are within you as well. This is spiritual warfare. Resist.
A SPOKEN Prayer for a Hedge of Protection:
Dear Father,
Thank you for the blessings you’ve bestowed on me. You are the protector, the truth and the light. In this time of need, my wife, whom I love, has been involved with a man who does not share the Christian values that we hold so dear. In your name I pray for a hedge around my wife and I and ask that you protect us from these evil forces that are at work in our lives. May you bless us and our family and keep us all safe in this time of need.
Amen
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
