Kramer's Journey

[Kramer]

I have received excellent advice and recommendations by many of you on this site, and I sincerely appreciate your input. I am in agreement that my best course of action is to work on my own issues independent and irrespective of my wife/marriage. I am trying to practice GAL and remaining dark, other than legal and tax issues. I realize that it is a marathon, and not a sprint.

Having said all that, I don't feel that I am progressing as well as most of you. I am still overwhelmingly depressed, to the point of being non productive at work and just existing in my day to day life. I know that it's not healthy, and I try to occupy my time doing things, but I'm just going through the motions. I feel hollow, empty, and hopeless. I keep ruminating on my broken marriage, and am having difficulty accepting just how disposable I was. While I am mired in depression, my wife seems happy, content, and involved in her new relationship. The few email contacts between us are cold and distant. We have no verbal or physical contact. It's almost as if she has read the DB playbook, and is doing GAL herself (and succeeding).

I will continue regular counseling and GAL activities, because I don't know what else to do. I'm still trying to figure out how to work on my interpersonal issues if there isn't a partner to recognize those changes. How do I correct my controlling personality if there is noone to control? How can I work on emotional selfishness if I am the only one there? How can I work on validation if there is noone to validate?

So confusing and frustrating...