WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

MCS,

I really appreciate this response! For the first few months, I did everything wrong and couldn't find the will to do things I liked or even talk to very good friends. It's humbling, embarrassing and I felt like I had no value. She held all the cards.

After I sent that initial text (after reading all Sandi's WW threads), I can't even describe the empowerment I felt. Don't get me wrong, I still hurt, my pride is still hurt, but I feel so much better letting go. Even leaving a few days early without telling her was empowering. Sure, every sad song on the radio reminded me of her, but the 3 hour drive was therapeutic. When I got to my departure city (for work), I stayed at friends house in his extra bedroom. We went out that night and he listened to my story and was an excellent listener and didn't judge. After seeing me cry a little while telling of my woes. We did a few shots and played some pool and discussed what was going on in his life. I didn't even think of my W at all. Ever since, (like 4 days--don't want to blow this out of perspective), I've been focusing on other people and it's really refreshing because it causes me to not think about my own situation. In those 4 days, I went golfing 3 of them as a single and was paired with threesomes who were complete strangers. Had some great fun and barely thought about the W. It was fun meeting some new people in a different city. This was even more empowering and I grew less resentful and more optimistic. Of course, I'm still human and in the process of detaching. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about my W. It's amazing though, how I've been able to force myself to think about something else, anything else, and mentally move to a happy place.

Luckily, my W hasn't abandoned our kids. She is still a great mother. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I didn't see whether or not you had family near that could watch the kids so you could go out and GAL. Our children are very close to the same age (like you said), and their intuition is inexplicably tuned into their perceptions. My S6 was pouting after playing knee hockey with D4, and I picked him up and held him and asked what was wrong? Tears were streaming down his face and he said he was worried about Mommy and Daddy. It took every ounce of will power not to shed a tear. I just calmly told him our family will be OK and held him very close, for what felt like an eternity.

Have you ever golfed? Even if not, I'd recommend going to a driving range. That alone felt great to take out some frustrations on tons of range balls.

We'll both get through this! Sometimes, I think I would rather my W did what your W has done, because you know. I don't know anything at this point which makes everything that much more difficult to understand. I think it would almost be easier to say eff her and move on. But, obviously, these are delicate times for anyone in our sitch.

So far, I'm not sure if reading all these threads is helpful (they're obviously helpful) or debillitating the detachment process. I know every second I'm on here empathizing with kindred (internet) souls, I'm thinking about W. I would almost rather read anything else.

Wishing you happiness MCS,

SD