Focused on Me and My Son 2

[Sherman333]

Here's the rest of the story over the last couple of days... I didn't get a chance to type it all in.

Since she's had her apartment, she hasn't been home in the mornings (except maybe 1 day?) to see S7 off to school. She has shown up later after he's on the bus. Usually snipes a little, but nothing like it was.

2 days ago we had to go to friend of the court for a class the judge requires. He goes over what not to do with the kids (everything she's done... parental alienation, verbal abuse, etc.). Also typical custody outcomes, visitation times, etc. On the way back, I got the closest thing to an apology from her.

She stated that when she liked who she was when we met, but when she got pregnant things changed. The more she tried to do the domestic life, the more unhappy she got. The more unhappy she became, the more angry she got. And that she took it out on my and her family. She stated that she just can't do it. She's miserable when she only has one or the other. So for her, she needs a balance between being a mom or single to maintain.

I truly believe that S7 needs his mom if she can behave. If this is the only way for this to happen, then this is the way it needs to be.

So yesterday, we had to finish splitting up bills. I took her off the car insurance earlier in the day and we were at the cell phone company splitting the phones. During the discussion she started asking about how to transfer her phone and put it under another persons contract right in front of me.

She also mentioned that she had some of my clothes she had to give back and that we should swap them in the parking lot. When she gave me the clothes, that's when she mentioned that she'd had the movers come. She was smiling when she said it. That smile really rubbed salt into the wound.

I've been telling her that S7 saw the bedroom as his "safe" spot and he's been coming up there with me as soon as she moved to the basement. That he would be terribly upset with losing it.

I started to leave and turned to ask for the key/garage door opener. She said no... she still has stuff she wants and was texting someone... OM presumably. So I left to get S7 from latchkey.

On the way, she's texting me what stuff she still wants to get and expecting to have it done within a couple of weeks. It's all minor stuff. Just doesn't want me to make it difficult.

Also wanted me to do some financial stuff for her which I told her is her responsibility going forward.

She claims there was no heads up to give. I told her that I wanted to have it more orderly for me and S7 and that I really didn't appreciate her smiling. My clothes are in baskets and finding anything this morning was a chore.

When S7 got home, he went running through the house to see what was left (he's been hiding his stuff he cares about because he's seen Mom taking things and doesn't want her to have it). I've tried to reassure him that he'll see it when he goes to visit. He was crying/sobbing and finally curled up in a ball in a corner. He kept stating that Mom is a mean bully and other things. It got to me.

STBXW, sent a text right around that time stating that she wasn't intentionally smiling (really? how does that happen?). It was then that I texted "I have S7's reaction on video for you".

Her reply was "that is cruel of you to do... divorce is hard". That I should be comforting him... which I was. She then texted that this "is my opportunity to make it all better for him"... whatever that meant.

I asked S7 where he wanted to sleep that night and it was still in the guest bedroom. So I brought up a guest bed and moved a desk over to put a TV on it. So it's sorta arranged how things were. I asked him how he slept last night, he told me "great dad". He was curled in the crook of my arm most of the night.

Seeing him hurting really got to me. I've been holding back so much that I really wanted her to connect with how he was feeling. So she could understand how much he's hurting too. Again I know it was a poor choice on my part. I knew right after I did it. This has been such a pressurized event... Most of the time I'm able to avoid overreacting...

I didn't malign her in any way to S7. I try to avoid saying anything bad about her to him at all.

She then offered to take S7 to give me a chance to clean and organize things. I told her no. There's piles of stuff everywhere. To top it all off, there were dirty dishes in the sink too. It's my intention to use this as a teaching opportunity... to have him help me clean up the mess she left. To show him how to pick up pieces and go back to a "normal" life. Last night after I got the room setup, we had a later diner and did his homework.

This morning, I'm still a jumble of emotions. Simmering annoyance, relief, sorrow (yes I feel sad about all this), etc. Even though she's not been at the house in days, it's different knowing she's moved out.

I would strongly suggest that you find a trusted third party intermediary from this point forward, and eliminate all personal contact with her. It's very typically done in situations such as yours.

Not sure how to do this with co-parenting. There are things we still need to work out on the agreement, etc. Other than the lawyers, there are no family, or friends, or anyone that would work as a 3rd party. My family is a 4 hr plane ride away and she's estranged from hers that are in the area. So I'm stuck in this aspect.

It was S7's pain that really put me over the edge to where I'd lash out. Even then it was only 1 line of text. Nothing more, but it was a sharp barb for sure.