Masterpiece -- Invincible...

[Jer2911]

I do think there is a point you have to pull the rug out, separate living conditions at first gives them that freedom they think they need to feel happy, I can only speak with my MLC'r ... being alone terrifies her, and in your case OW can not be there .. W's OM was always busy and nor could he, so those thoughts take over and they slowly start processing .. with you out .. more time for her to really think, not good for her.

This is exactly the reason that I do want to move out eventually. It kills me to think of moving out and putting my kids through the "moving between two homes" routine, but I do believe that it's going to take that time and space of W being completely alone every other week for her to wake up and begin processing everything before she can realize what a huge mistake all of this is. And you are so correct -- OW will not be here in person and despite the texting and skype/phone calls, there will still be a lot of time left for my W to be left alone with her thoughts. She does tend to self-medicate with television, but I still think eventually even that won't be enough to keep the thoughts away.

My only concern with all of that is: when she does start processing and moves further into deeper depression, what happens during the weeks when she does have possession of the kids... I worry about their welfare in that situation. But I probably shouldn't worry about that... If I've learned anything in this sitch it's that God does have his hands on all of this and what I think will happen in the future probably won't happen so it's best to just focus on today and the things that I need to get accomplished today... tomorrow will take care of itself.

I would not move a teacup till you have $$ AND you have found a place that you love, DO NOT SETTLE... you did not ask for this so do not allow her to shove you into a place you are not going to love ... DO NOT DO IT ... I did, not knowing W was in MLC, nor what to do ... I took a 1 bedroom in a house because in a month or two W would have come to her senses ... that was 1 1/2 years ago. I have JUST moved into a little place I like, its mine, and I am comfortable there ... you NEED that ok??

This is precisely why I got so stressed out yesterday over all of this... I panicked with the thought of having to find a place so quickly, without the money, while I'm starting a new job, and having to "settle" for something that just isn't appropriate or comfortable for my kids. Fortunately, she was very agreeable this morning and this has been taken care of for now... Not moving out until she gives me the full amount and that is at least a couple of months away. Plenty of time for me to adjust to the new job, save up money for the move, and take my time looking for places.

All the other stuff ... yup .. Give it to God, keep on your path and everything will work out in its own way, you know that

Hang in there.

Amen! Giving all of it to God -- especially my W. I can't change her or fix her. I can only love her and pray for her while staying on my path, allowing God to work on me, and taking the steps I need to take to get my life together so that I am back to being the strong, independent woman that I was when my W and I first met and started dating. My kids (and I) need for me to do all of that... God is working on all of this and will work all of this out according to His Will. It definitely makes it easier to cope with a lot of this stuff to have that kind of faith within this crazy MLC storm in our lives.