Part 18 - Creeping onward

[edz]

Thanks V, Toots

BFT had an early morning snuggle in snoring at me and leaving me to dig out the sticky roller later on the duvet cover (another BFT brushing session is needed methinks!)

Toots wouldn't be at all surprised and I wont push or prod at her, I allowed myself a minor action that could have been pursuit, yesterday one of the things that came up was that I used to say goodnight without fail every night no matter where I was, so last night (and only last night) I emailed her just to say...goodnight

Today back on the warmly standing without pursuit, no intention of chasing her up unless she contacts me or we hit tomorrow to discuss the weekend with s.

W said that at no point ever did I let her down in the marriage it was my rejecting the world, dissapearing into myself and dealings with s (and, I imagine my appearance and lack of care for myself although that was unsaid) that drove her away.

Throughout the course of yesterdays conversations both MIL and s 24/7 came up, this wasnt exhaustive. W started by saying she wanted to arrange a time where s couldnt hear so he wouldnt be upset as lots that we need to talk about could be emotional. Then she began crying and we talked. S is, for want of a better term, detaching from w. He is into his games, reading and solo pursuits and w sees the toddler slipping away. The sitch is playing a part and he smiles less but oddly seems happier around me, the "break" of school isnt there so w and s are together all the time if he's not with me and I think the growing s is trending towards puberty and the sullen aura that surrounds us in those years. W feels very alone and I think is now seeing what we had before my depression caused her to pull away and be with s all the time. We discussed that even in a new relationship I would have time with s to give her alone time that she wants and very badly needs to find who she is, she would do the same and we would do things together as a family and just as a couple, this is exactly what she says she always wanted and wants (she is *not* ready yet).

MIL, ah MIL, no idea Toots. If plans dont fall apart then MIL/FIL are moving ~280 miles away which would absolutely be the best thing for w. Anything else has to come from w, I said I'm here for her to talk to, or she can seek out a friend she trusts or find a good councillor but ultimately all her close friends and I have said the same thing. She views everything, every action, decision and choice as "what will my mum think?" and unless she's planning on (being blunt) waiting it out until she dies, she needs to make a stand regardless of whether we reconcile or not. W brought this up and recognises it, I dont know if she's strong enough yet to take an action.

And, ladies and gents, isn't that what it's all about

And once more, up, showered, looking my best and getting on with getting on