Let me refer to OM as POM (potential OM). You may read in my sitch that my H is looking for POWs. There was one or two, I do not know if there was ever an A either EA or PA. In one case the POW ended up being a CF (casual friend) of mine. Actual that does not matter, H was involved looking for a POW not in his M.
On other threads you may read that WWs are infatuated with an OP but the OP is not of themselves interested in an A (MCS WW may be like that). The fact is that they are not invested in their M and Wayward within all definitions. Ironically no A.
So I believe you need to be behaving as if there was a full on A, even if this is a PEA (potential emotional affair). Your W is Wayward, she is a WW because she is seeking an EA/PA not because she is actively in one and treat her as if she were a WW.
If that is the case then firmness from you and strength is needed. Soft soap won't work, considering her feelings etc. it is a cut it out sitch. There was a poster here called Rzrback who ceased posting as his daughter discovered the site and his journey with his wife was struggling to piece back together. His WW struggled to give up her emotional attachment. Jims wife tried a couple of OMs for suitability before one reacted and attached.
The fact there is a POM is important, even if that POM is disinterested, it's a sign that a WW is facing out from her M not in towards it. Sandis thread on waywardness applies to this too. Your W is not a WAW leaving because of you and your behaviour, so if you turn yourself into a man only a fool would leave that is likely to reverse that (see Edz thread). Your W is acting wayward which is an extra dynamic.
She may have fallen for a dream POM who will never match up and perhaps not even want an A. It is WW feelings here that are important. W is not only a WAW but a WW one, even though not yet in a full on PA.
If you are pulling your WW back in because you want to be with your WW and your M, then take the journey. If you are only half committed to it then let WW go.
Take a tough love approach to attract WW and be insistent no POM. is the WAW trying to escape her M because of her treatment or is she a WW trying to move on to an OM or POM? If the later then eventually of course a scuzzy will be found, it's transitional for the WW. This is my H with his stream of POWs.
Know that your WW will want to hang on to her dream of POM, may maintain contact, may none the less wherever she goes seek out a new POM unless you are clear and strong.
Keep that thought and discuss your decision. Do you have an IC, this is an area where an on the ground IC may be helpful.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 04/16/1506:13 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
