Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Pyrite]

You may THINK you are filtering how you behave, what you say, etc, around your WAW.

But your WAW knows you better than anyone. She can pick up on clues on how you truly feel. Body language, facial reactions to a comment, tone, most of our communication is non-verbal. So what you're thinking and feeling WILL come across to her, like it or not.

You do get honorable mention for TRYING to be detached and positive around her. That's the best you could do, so that's definitely better than bus driving her to your D! And yes, better to purge the negative thoughts here where we can beat you with 2x4s until you are senseless

The point is you need to keep recognizing the focus and blame you are pouring towards WAW. I KNOW it's hard. Trust me. It seems so obvious that you hurt, your family hurts, and she did it. Keep meditating, praying, and spending time thinking about how she feels without judgment. It will come.

Thanks for the encouragement man! i do need it. in general i accept what you are saying about her reading me and me blaming her, but i really was very well behaved. i was proud of myself for that as i left, but distraught because of my little girl.

i sent W an SMS this morning and asked her to keep in mind that D4 is also going through this and "at this stage just needs someone to blame. unfortunately its you right now. fortunately though, it is not herself."

she was just so hurt Z, it was really hard to see. My D and my W.

Maybe ask yourself: What if, instead of her being a woman of low character that is making horribly destructive decisions...what if she was actually a good woman that, while imperfect, did the best she could and put up with as much as she could for as long as she could, longer than most women would have...and only because she's been broken beyond her coping point is she doing things she hates to have to do because she feels she has no choice.

dude - thats what brought me here! I broke her. the flawed but most beautiful girl in the world. in the real world i still defend her endlessly to my friends. and then after a month I put me in hospital after beating myself up over it for a month. then i got angry. then i fell between the two, swinging to and fro. I found salvation at DB.com and am shifting sideways now.

Things that are causing her to suffer JUST AS MUCH as you, but this suffering is an improvement because she can at least pray it will change someday. This being the woman you loved, your life partner, the woman God gave you to cherish. With this view in mind, can you find a bit of remorse and compassion? Can you feel sorry that you put her in a spot where she felt she had no alternative?

Obviously she makes her own choices, but I think this would be a good paragraph to reread a few times.

in a second Z. in a second. I have said as much to her. She knows this. But understandably doesn't care, or really now she has put her foot down she is determined not to budge. OM complicates the whole damn situation to no end. Hence I struck gold when I found this board. I can move on whilst maintaining my position to save the M.

thats what makes this so damned hard, i/we are trying to fix the crappy behaviour that resulted in the WAS, in the middle of the most tumultuous time of my/our life. although as you have also noted - i wouldn't be here, in this position of (potential) self growth if it wasn't for BD/WAS.

PS- thank you for reading my early threads. I think I'm instructive because I both screwed a lot of things up in my M and viewed things pretty distorted, but I'm also a world class rationalizer so I was able to twist things and avoid some unpleasant facts for a long time. My prize- a divorce and a lot of pain to me and those I love. Maybe it doesn't always pay to be so smart...

just starting them .
great consolation prize isn't it. i haven't given up yet. not today anyway. it probably pays to be smarter than you think you are (another of my W's admirable qualities BTW )