Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Zues126]

Not to misinterpret Mr. Bond's point, so my apologies...this is my interpretation though-

You may THINK you are filtering how you behave, what you say, etc, around your WAW.

But your WAW knows you better than anyone. She can pick up on clues on how you truly feel. Body language, facial reactions to a comment, tone, most of our communication is non-verbal. So what you're thinking and feeling WILL come across to her, like it or not.

You do get honorable mention for TRYING to be detached and positive around her. That's the best you could do, so that's definitely better than bus driving her to your D! And yes, better to purge the negative thoughts here where we can beat you with 2x4s until you are senseless

The point is you need to keep recognizing the focus and blame you are pouring towards WAW. I KNOW it's hard. Trust me. It seems so obvious that you hurt, your family hurts, and she did it. Keep meditating, praying, and spending time thinking about how she feels without judgment. It will come.

Maybe ask yourself: What if, instead of her being a woman of low character that is making horribly destructive decisions...what if she was actually a good woman that, while imperfect, did the best she could and put up with as much as she could for as long as she could, longer than most women would have...and only because she's been broken beyond her coping point is she doing things she hates to have to do because she feels she has no choice. Things that are causing her to suffer JUST AS MUCH as you, but this suffering is an improvement because she can at least pray it will change someday. This being the woman you loved, your life partner, the woman God gave you to cherish. With this view in mind, can you find a bit of remorse and compassion? Can you feel sorry that you put her in a spot where she felt she had no alternative?

Obviously she makes her own choices, but I think this would be a good paragraph to reread a few times.

PS- thank you for reading my early threads. I think I'm instructive because I both screwed a lot of things up in my M and viewed things pretty distorted, but I'm also a world class rationalizer so I was able to twist things and avoid some unpleasant facts for a long time. My prize- a divorce and a lot of pain to me and those I love. Maybe it doesn't always pay to be so smart...

Take care Py.