Is it really to late? Who knows....

[lost18]

I do blame him for lots of things. I'm trying to take ownership for my part but sometimes I feel a lot of regret and find myself saying "If I would have," and I know that doesn't do me any good.

I resent that I feel he has always been selfish as far as doing things, if he didn't want to do something than very rarely would he do it.

I resent that I never felt like his priority, because he didn't make me his priority.

I resent that he let fixable things ruin our marriage.

I resent that whenever we tried to have a real conversation about wants and needs, it always lead back to sex making me think sex was always the problem.

I resent that he left me for 6 years and then came back and dumped me. absence does not make the heart grow fonder.

I resent that he went looking for someone else.

I resent that he gave up.

Mostly, I resent that he is here, in our home, doing what he is doing. My life is on hold (as far as having a fulfilling relationship). I know I'm allowing it, but I do resent him for it.

I'm not sure I've ever written that out before. The thing is I know there is nothing I can do about my resentment except let it go...why am I having such a hard time with that?