I think you're being too hard on yourself. Not saying I disagree with what was said about the pursuing after reading another perspective, just saying you should go easy on yourself. You've made lots of progress.
Sorry about your back, be careful. My H has been dealing with bulging discs for months, PT did nothing. Hope it's minor for you.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since