I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

[MCS]

MCS I think this is because WW is afraid, you will have to let her work her stuff until it's unravelled and then you can breathe a little.

My dear MCS, this will be a long journey for you I think.

V

V,

Unfortunately, I have to say I agree with you. It stinks realizing this, talking with her (mind reading) its almost like she has moments that I think she realizes the problem is not me, but inside her. She'll just look at me, her eyes will soften, etc. That's usually when I back slide and say "WW, you need to go get help" Then, boom, the wall comes back up.

This whole tax thing's silver lining is I'm much more detached; but its also helped me realized just how much work she needs in order to come home. I'm at the point that I'm not sure thats in the cards, but I'll know that when the time is right.

Talking to some of (our) really good friends (the ones that convinced me of OM) and they've seen every step for me. They say they see me doing much better, but I see that they are in the 'protect MCS' role and are trying to say that WW is not 'sane' right now. It stinks, these were some of WW's closest friends Pre-BD and know her almost as well as I do. They saw her compassionate caring side and that's why we've all loved her, but everyone is putting that into question right now. I'm glad they are so honest with me, but It's tough seeing some of them having doubts.

From week 1, I've been called to 'Love Her' and 'Be Patient' every time I'm down, I get something to remind me of that. It's horrible to see her struggle while the solution seems so easy. I know its not for her. Like I said, I don't know the destination, but have faith that whatever the next step I'm called to take is all I need to focus on.

Lonely, lacking intimacy, lacking companionship MCS is an 'okay' MCS for right now. I'll know when the time is right, V. Whatever that next step is.