TLEE - your # 1-6 is EXACTLY how my H acted the day I picked up from airport on my turn around thread. All over the place. Like a cornered animal, snarling, whining, pacing (verbally), and licking my hand in the space of 1-2 days.
Now, if you want to believe my H is a good man who tried and that hadn't been a big act - you started following me when I was compassionate rock mindset and look, his ring was on in a week.
If you want to also draw the parallel that he came home before he was deep down ready, out of duty guilt or other motives, you know the rest of the story.
I wonder sometimes if I'd just continued acting strong while he 'was teething' if things would have been ok. I would say just think about it. But back off and remain detached and your best TLEE for a long time when she returns and don't let yourself get jerked around or too hopeful. There's possibility in your sitch, but you are aware the ultimatum has been the driving factor here. Be kind to you and her.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
