MY STORY IS UGLY BUT AT LEAST IM LEARNING

[parker7]

Mr. Bond,

I get that she wants a new life. I would too. I cannot promise that I would never do this again. But what I can do is dig deeper and try harder than I ever have before to figure out why Ive done this over and over again and to continue to seek help from others including my counselor to start the repair process of myself. I know that I will have to do some major work on myself and it will take a lifetime commitment. I really want to continue to work on this once and for all and not quit. I know its a verrrrry big long shot to get my W back. I also do not want to do this to another relationship or hurt my son anymore than I already have.
When I was carrying on my A's I was moody. Angry, controlling, on edge, I did not treat my W well or my son. My W also said sometimes I was hypersexual and even fun during the A's more so than when I was not. W also said that there were big highs and low lows in our relationship but never felt as though we were on cruise. The biggest problem I had outside of the A's (which is enough) was that I was very controlling and actually insecure. I realize this now.
I never felt that I was tired of my W and never left. But I did come close with a couple of the A's that I became very attached to. My first A was with a co-worker. It started innocently and grew to physical quickly. This occurred within the first year of my marriage. I almost walked away from the marriage, my wife begged me to stay and I did. It became easier for me after the first. I had less guilt and less inner conflict especially as time when on and I did this over and over again. The A's made me feel good, at times I felt as though I would never get caught and that she would never leave me. However, I did feel some guilt, especially when caught and I saw what it did to my wife. Very selfishly hurting my wife over and over again was never enough for me to stop what I was doing. Again I was caught in most of my A's by my W. I never came out and confessed them.