In my view it has two different directions: 1. Legally, he will be your H until the D is final and signed by both of you. Very clear, while the D is off the table, then you are married to each other. So anything related to the law side of the R, it will compromise one or the other. At least it is like this here in the US.
2. Emotionally it gets more complicated, if you still love him and wants to get back into the R, then you keep yourself pretty much M to him at all times. When and if you start detaching from him, then you are not so attached to the M values.
DBing is one crazy and very difficult thing to do at the beginning of the separation because we are mentally and emotionally attached to the spouse. Once we start developing our own independent life again, things start getting easier.
As you detach, you get stronger in your life because you are not so fragile regarding the R hurt, pain. And if you both decide to go back to the M, it will be in a totally different R. It will never be the same, you learned a lot, he learned some more and it will just be a whole new R and M.
It's very difficult to let go and to hope in the same time. The love game designed in DB is extremely directed to human beings and their actions and reactions related to their feelings. That's why it is important to create a plan, to analyze the circumstances, to think before you say, to listen more then talk.
There were, are and will always be some great power involved in actions that trigger different feeling in human beings and create a reaction. Like "contempt" - for some reason it has some power in the love zone. Sometimes, I think that DBing is quite like this, contempt. You kind of move on, don't get yourself worked out because of the WAS anymore, you don't call, don't contact at all, when you see them you don't show your emotions, it does not bother you if they are there or not.
And this is precisely what can (maybe) bring them back. It's when you say enough that they will maybe pay attention you are there somewhere.
It's complicated, it's amazing how human beings are so complex.
