And great advice from you also V! I will never forget your help when I enforced my boundary. And your help with me working on some of my issues.
It is amazing what you start to see once you finally start to figure out how to detach. To be able to watch W and her actions with a bit of confidence and be able to let go of some of the things she does, is a nice feeling.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I sometimes wonder why I have waited so long to find out about detachment! Duh!
It would have made my life so much easier and calmer. Frankly I have never been a control another type of girl (more a live and let live sort) but I have certainly allowed myself to be too influenced by what others do and want. Detachment and boundaries give me more choices.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am also finding out the better I am at detaching, the more fear I lose. You start to realize that you will be OKAY. I think deep down, I was always so worried about what W was thinking or what she might do. Will she leave me if I say no to this, will she leave me if I want to do this. I am also starting to see how W did not appreciate me very much. And does take advantage of my kindness.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
W is trying different things to help sooth herself apparently. She bought a couple plants to decorate her room. Is listening to different hypnotic apps to go to sleep. Is also doing alot with herbs and scents.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I was always so worried about what W was thinking or what she might do. Will she leave me if I say no to this, will she leave me if I want to do this.
You've just described the majority of the newcomer LBH's. It's just my opinion, but I really believe that is one reason these threads have a familiar tone. To me, so many of the LBS's seem to be cut from the same thread. The men are terrified of upsetting the W, and take all kind of cr@p from her, then when she becomes wayward, they are scared to death she will leave.
Do you want to know what my grown D said to me the day she revealed her knowledge of my A? "Mom, you know you would have never put up with Dad treating you the way you've treated him". Guess what? That was the truth!
I wished the guys here could understand that they cannot take a weak, soft, fearful approach when dealing with a strong WW.
I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share with us, Joe.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
"Do you want to know what my grown D said to me the day she revealed her knowledge of my A? "Mom, you know you would have never put up with Dad treating you the way you've treated him". Guess what? That was the truth!"
To be perfectly honest, if we didn't have kids together I would have handled this whole situation way different.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I am just working on my patience and reading alot lately. Doing lots of things with the kids. The more I detach, the clearer things start to look for me. Things W has done and still does in the way she treats me. I am also starting to see that W does not think much of me and I am starting to think she may have been like this for several years. I am starting to wonder if I even want a R with someone that has no respect for me and is so self centered.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I did good practicing my STFU last night. W was ranting about older kids never talking to her lately or letting her know what they are up to. I think it bothers her that they talk to me more lately because I am more involved with them. W's only focus right now is job and herself. I just listened and validated her feelings. I kept my mouth shut.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
