WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

I'm just going to keep posting as thoughts occur to me.

I asked W why she hasn't talked to her parents or any of our close friends about our sitch. She responded by saying that she doesn't want to get "judged". I try not to read to much into this, but why would she be getting judged for falling out of love with her husband. She is very close to both her M and F (despite them both being divorced and remarried). We all live in the same small town. I wonder if she has done something shameful that she is unwilling to divulge. Instead she only hangs out with a new group of friends, all women, as they are a source of "happiness" for her and give her strength, inspiration and hope for a better future.

I know Sandi says I should go see a lawyer to better understand my rights in her thread, but I am a law school graduate that has never practiced law. I still have a firm grasp on how our state's legal system works and what my rights are. This intimidates W and she questions whether or not she should go see one. She recently told me that she has not seen one and will not see one unless things get ugly. I would prefer it this way... at least for now. I know an L would just push her towards filing for D. I'm trying to play it cool right now.

I also know Sandi says to limit contact with relatives, but W's Mom calls me often and is upset at W for not reaching out to her. She is, ironically, on my side through this and I don't think it is a ploy. She knows I am a good man, great father, and try to be a good husband. M-I-L wants her grandchildren to grow in a loving family and not be shattered by D. She calls me after W calls her crying about things. I guess W called her when I left unexpectedly early for work, and then called bawling about the text she received from me RE: getting own bank account, finding place to live.

For now, I'm holding firm on NC. Especially after our last email exchange. Part of me wants to validate a few things in her reply email, but she says at the end that I do not need to reply. I will leave it at that and plan on not contacting her for the next few weeks.

Again, thank you for all your kindness throughout this process. I am not afraid of CC... please do so if you see me veering way off course.

So far my 180's.
-Getting in shape

-Dressing nicer (was previously a carhartt's guy, now dress like my frat boy days)

-Not ever showing anger or snapping back when she says something hurtful or I disagree with. I have shown great restraint without getting walked on (I have always been quick to snap back a hurtful retort)

-Always showing happiness and contentment (I've been generally grumpy and a downer for the past few years)

-Showing Confidence again. I was once very cocky and self assured, and this is what initially attracted W. For the past few years, and especially since BD, I've not had much true confidence until the last month or so.

My Faux 180's that were merely supplication
-Cooking every night
-Doing all of the housework, taking care of the kids, etc.
-Running errands, doing all the shopping
-Hanging on every word and not truly DBing

I wish I could change my username from Saddood. I am no longer sad. I'm hurt and in pain for sure, but I'm not sad.