I thought everything was okay....(Part 5)

[SadDood]

Yep, definitely no pics out there. Like I said, I live in a small town. So while there were pages and pages of women. I knew some of them.... former neighbor from down the street, a teacher at D5's school, someone else had a big family picture and someone I work with was one of the people in the pic.

Thank you for this. I hadn't even considered doing this. One comforting thing about this site is that we all bear a heavy heart and have been through the ringer. I'm much more detached now, especially since I've taken control of the sitch. I love my wife and the life we've built together, but part of me wonders if it would be much better if I were to just file for D and move on. I'm still trying to wrap my head around DBing as so much of it is counterintuitive and difficult to actually practice. I'm in so much pain, despite being more detached, I often wonder if I'll ever find someone again.

On a positive note, if not for my sitch, I would have never started working out again. In the last two months I've dropped from a chubby double chinned 215 lbs, to a solid lean 185 lbs. I run and do P90X. This has helped my attitude so much. I've bought a bunch of new clothing and when I look in the mirror, I actually like what I see. Although I'm 42, I'm in as good of shape as I was in my much more athletic 20's. I too live in a small town, and word has gotten out that W and I are struggling. During GALing, I have been approached by long time acquaintances that appeared to be light hearted pursuit. I haven't even considered any of these advances as I don't want to jeapordize any chance I may still have with my W.

I don't have much to add, but appeciate all the hard work you have put into MR and the way you have detailed much of your process. It seems you are doing everything right.

At what point do you just throw in the towel and move on? I still haven't quite figured that out. I have only been at this for a few months, but have thought many times about saying eff it. Get busy living or get busy dying. But, deep in my heart I know if my W were to eventually change her ways, it would be best for our children and for our each of our lives. Of course, I won't tell her this... not for quite some time.

Sorry this is so wordy, but I wanted to comment on threads that I really appreciate. Also, I may just peruse some online dating sites just to see what's out there and know people in my area have/are going through the same thing I'm going through.