WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

W,

I know I said I wouldn't respond before I returned from the slope, but I've given this a lot of thought and you need time to prepare for this.

I know I said you could stay in the mother in law apartment while I was home, and the more I think about it, the more I think that is not such a good idea. I would rather you stayed at one of your parent's houses, or somewhere else. It would just be awkward around the house and the kids would notice the tension. Additionally, I'm going to need more space than the two weeks on the slope will allow. We both need to get a taste of what our future holds.

If you're wondering why the sudden change of heart, as my wife of 8 years, I think you're entitled an explanation. It wasn't until last Saturday that I had completed my grieving process. (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance). It was on Saturday, that I finally accepted my new reality. A huge burden was lifted from my shoulders and I was able to finally breathe easier. I knew that I would be fine, and the kids would be fine (and very loved) no matter what happened between us. I cannot stay in a relationship where I am not loved or respected. I will not be your doormat or shoulder all the blame for our demise. Right now, I do not want you as my wife or as my friend. If this sounds harsh, I'm sorry. Just so you know, I'm am not trying to be vindictive or punish you in any way, you will always have a special place in my heart. I just want as little contact with you and as much space as possible right now.

I don't want to make any decisions based on emotions or gut reactions. I would really like to evaluate our options before doing anything rash and making unwise decisions. I will not list the houses, or sell any assets while we are separated. I would never try to screw you over. I also haven't spoken to an attorney and do not intend to.

For now, before filing for a legal separation, if we can come to some common ground, a formal legal separation will be unnecessary.

Here are my proposed ground rules:

- We treat each other with civility, fairness, kindness, dignity, and respect at all times
- We do not discuss the details of our separation outside of our closest friends and family
- There is to be no airing of dirty laundry on any form of social media
- When I'm on the slope, you are entitled to the house and children.
- When I'm home, I am responsible for the kids and will be entitled to the house
- We will not interfere with each other's rights to have the kids during our alotted time with them
- I will pick the kids up at daycare on the Wednesday I arrive home (barring some sort of flight delay), you will pick the kids up at daycare the Tuesday before I leave and be able to return to the house immediately after
- We will leave the house clean and the kid's clothes laundered and ready to go prior to the other taking possession of the house
- We will not use the kids as leverage in any way
- No matter our differences, we will always put the kids first
- Until we get our financial obligations sorted, we will only use the joint account for bills and necessary purchases (food, gas, cleaning supplies, etc.). Any personal purchases will be done on our own credit cards.
- Neither of us will surprise each other with filing for divorce. We will give fair warning of our intentions. (So that we are not ambushed and embarrassed while at work)
- We will obviously notify one another if something is serious with the kids
- Until our divorce is final, we will not expose the kids to potential mates

This list is in no particular order, and it was all I could think of at this moment. It is not meant as a form of controlling one another.

I think this is fair and rational. If you have anything you'd like to add or object to, let me know.

I apologize if this sounds formal, it is not meant to be. I just wanted to establish some sort of framework for going forward.

I do not want a long drawn out discussion. Let's keep this to a short correspondence and get on with giving each other much needed space.


-Me

I know it wasn't perfect, and will post potential emails/texts here before pressing the send button in the future.