Winhamn intro - D in process, WAW

[Try77]

Winhamn, I'm in a (somewhat) similar situation, and I can tell you that the more you resist what she wants, the more she wants what she wants. Everyone's situation is different, of course, but filing a motion for conciliation against her wishes could very well irritate her and make her want out of the M even more.

And I DON'T think it was a bad thing to help her after her car accident. In fact, take those opportunities to show her love (more as a friend).

I've been doing the 180s with my stbxH for the past few weeks, reading this forum and my DB book finally arrived from Amazon.

Basically, the key thing I've learned from Michele is to play (mental) jujitsu with your WAS. Go WITH their energy, their negative feelings, their desires, and do it with a SINCERELY positive, pleasant attitude. It's very counter-intuitive, I know. Haven't gotten far enough in DB book yet to HELP them get what they want, help them in times of need and COMPLIMENT them in ways they'd never expect (but you have to mean it). Because, really, who wants to D someone who's so pleasant, helpful and complimentary despite being dumped??? Also, this makes them WANT to be around you, especially if you let them be the one to "talk" about the relationship.

For example, my stbxH just filed and house is on the market. I've been using the sale of our house to my advantage, using it as a way to reconnect and communicate. As hard as it's been to leave the house, we've spent hours and hours together cleaning, fixing things, talking about how to split assets and discussing things on the phone about the buyers/inspection/etc. And as much pain as I'm in, I've been happy, helpful and not overdoing it. I also thanked him for being respectful and fair of me during the D process (which he has been), saying it shows he has a lot of integrity (which he does)--he was STUNNED when I said that.

And according to some mutual friends, he's been taking notice of how "different" I'm acting. On his end, I've also seen a big, big transformation. I can sense he's no longer angry, resentful toward me and when we communicate, it feels like "us" again but in more of a friend way, which I'll take what I can get.

I'm getting the D paperwork (no-fault D) to sign very soon to officially start the "mandatory waiting period" in my state, and although I technically have 20 days to sign, I plan to sign it right away.

I have no idea what this means, what he's thinking, what the future holds, but I know I feel MUCH more free and less anxious because I'm learning to let go for ME. If he comes back, that's a plus.

Keep posting Winhamn. Seems like we can be of help to each other.