So, I am bunkering down and preparing for the pending hurricane. Wish me luck!
If W asks me if I told OM's W about the affair, how should I respond?
Oh, and thanks for the encouragement guys, especially GB! It feels great to do something proactive for a change.
Luck.
Understand that once your wife finds out (and she probably will soon) you will likely curse my name and wonder what in the heck you were thinking talking to OM's wife. You may come to FEEL like you regret this. That's just a feeling. It's not the truth. Trust that in the end, no matter how this turns out, you will be proud of yourself for doing the right thing.
Other times the affair partners go silent and don't even talk about it even between themselves. They will just pretend it doesn't effect them and ignore it as long as everyone leaves them alone.
Other times, but not that often, the OM's wife takes a month to actually accumulate her own independent evidence, compile her case and get her ducks in a row, financially and legally, before she confronts her wayward husband.
It's not bad if the affair partners think there is a spy at the hospital informing on them but even if that is what they are told, I'm sure your wife will be confronting you to see if you were the one that did it. Personally I denied involvement in exposing my wife's affair for over a year into recovery but many others feel that just owning it proudly is the way to go. I wouldn't be surprised if you wife confronts you as if they know and hope it's just you and hope you'll confess and they then don't have to sweat an informant at the hospital It's your choice whether you want to go the honest route or not. In my opinion, you are in a battle for your family and deception is a part of the Art of War. Spiritual warfare doesn't require you reveal all battle plans and methods to your enemy. They certainly aren't playing fair and you are trying to protect and save your wife. But either way...you can figure it out what is best for you. It's probably tougher for you to withhold the truth because you won't always know what OM's wife is up to or saying.
Then there is another issue with being honest.
Should you apologize for it?
Yes - An insincere apology doesn't really take much energy or effect much because the exposure has already happened so you can't really take it back so saying "Oh, my bad. I presumed she already knew and/or thought it only fair that OM's wife knew. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry"
No - Don't apologize for doing the right thing. Standing up for yourself and your actions unapologetically is attractive male behavior. OM's wife had a right to know and you told even if it meant angering your wife. You are not afraid of conflict and you had no intention of keeping their secret or being a co-conspirator in their affair with regards to OM's wife. She'd do the exact same thing if you were having an affair because it's the decent thing to do. Besides if OM genuinely has good intentions with your wife, then you did them a favor and he can now go about divorcing his wife to be with your wife. She should be pleased you've moved things along for her and OM.
BTW....probably 50-75% of the time an OM gets exposed to his spouse he dumps his side piece affair partner like a rock. He had no intention of divorcing his wife let alone getting caught. Your wife has just become too complicated a relationship to continue with. He didn't realize until today that he was gambling his family AND future income. Your wife's feelings just took second place to his desperation to save his family.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
