I was invited over WW's place for dinner later this week. I think it is a good sign. I'm not sure what is happening with her EA's. I plan to play it relaxed and a lot of as if's.
I thought about taking flowers. Would that be considered too pursuing?
Any other words of advice?
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Whoa. I'm not saying it's a bad sign, but why do you think it's a "good" sign?
Just a few days ago she was talking about wanting a good coparenting relationship. She has another man on her mind and in her soul. She moved out a month ago. Reality check here.
DON'T show up with flowers. Cripes. What message does that send?
If anyone brings flowers it should be her. And a statement about how she messed up. That she's clear about what she wants. That she's willing to do ANYTHING that's reasonable to make it right and earn a second chance.
If she says anything less than that you are making your own monster if you are trying to find "good" in this. You are enabling and strengthening the addicted part of her when you do.
Frankly I'm not even sure you should go. Why should you? What is the purpose of the dinner? Have you asked her? Did she tell you?
Give us the context here. If there wasn't any I would treat is as cake eating and a temperature check and I would use it as an opportunity to enforce some boundaries and GAL.
PS- If she didn't volunteer any info I'd be careful how you ask so you don't sound needy or hopeful. Like "Given the circumstances I don't think that's appropriate. Is there something we need to discuss?"
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Thanks everyone for the reality check, I should know better than to get my expectations up.
Zues, you may have me confused with another thread. There was no talk about parenting recently, both our kids are grown and on their own now. HeavyD was talking about his situation here a few days ago, and he mentioned coparenting.
She has recently started seeing a therapist, and has talked about how sorry she is, and how she understands how much her actions have hurt me, and hopes that I can forgive her some day.
We meet once a week so she can get her mail and other things she needs from the house. These visits are the only contact we have each week. She is very remorseful and tearful during these visits. Last week she brought me a little easter gift and even gave me a little kiss on the cheek before she left.
This week she asked if I would like to stay for dinner with her.
I know from the Sandi threads to be very careful about getting tricked into a temperature check by seeming anxious and excited. I will be sure to re-read those again before I go.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Dinner was nice. No relationship talk, mostly just small talk about work, the kids, the weather. I waited for her to bring up anything more serious and didn't press her for details when she did. She was a lot like her old self, very pleasant and fun to be around.
She likes her new therapist, and thinks he will be a good one to work with. I was encouraged that she is moving in the right direction to get herself better. No hints about ever wanting to reconcile, but I wasn't expecting any. She has stated a few times now about how much work she has to do to get herself better.
She did cry again when it was time for me to leave, which is always tough on me as well. I also got another kiss on the cheek from her, during a goodbye hug. When I went to kiss her forehead she started to turn her head up like she wanted a kiss on the lips. But I continued with a just a peck on the top of her head.
It was really tough not to tell her how much I miss her, love her, and want her back. But I’m holding steady, trying to follow Sandi's rules and advice for the LBH, and trusting the process.
I was going to send her an email thanking her for dinner and suggesting we try and have dinner together every week, but I realize that would be pursuing. Perhaps someone has an idea for how to suggest dinner when she contacts me later this week to schedule a meet up to exchange mail and other things she needs.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Hi Burger, glad things went well with dinner. Well done there with the self-restraint. My idea about suggesting dinner is - don't suggest dinner.
Extend no invitations. If your W invites you to something, check your schedule and maybe accept if you are not busy. If you are busy, take a rain check.
You can respond to her pursuit, but don't pursue yourself.
T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My call with the Divorce Busting Coach went well. She was quite surprised when I read the WW apology email from a couple of weeks ago to her, and she thought my response was quite well done too.
She was also shocked when I told her I was invited to dinner as well.
Her advice was to keep on doing more of the same. Don’t pressure her on any relationship talk, listen and validate when she talks, and always be happy. Happy is desirable.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
