Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Pyrite]

How about starting now, you start practicing your listening and validation skills. You're already walking in like you EXPECT things to go bad. You have a say in how it turns out. You can just as well not have things go South if you actually start trying.

All afternoon i have been replaying Mr Bonds advice in my head. I read some things about validation, communication, LRT etc. I felt well equipped to face the W tonight. I was actually calm an even confident.

I picked up D4 as previously posted. we had a great time. we went to my sisters for dinner and called W to let her know. I was very quiet, only said hello and prompted D4 to start speaking. W cracked it at me. I was silent while she ranted about how much talking with me lately pissed her off. Irrelevant that I was silent i guess. Also that I was manipulative (Not that this isn't generally true, but about what in this case she wasn't explicit)

Got to my sisters and out of earshot of D4, told her that W is getting crazy angry. Last night she yelled at me for paying too much attention to Ds on my watch and so my fault D4 wants me in her week. Then took her home. W yelled at me for coming at bad time. Now D4 would have to sit by herself while D1.5 was put to sleep. “OK, I said lightheartedly, I will sit with her.” and proceeded into house chatting with D4. Baby wanted a cuddle. so i took her from Mum. She pushed Mum away when she tried to take her back. Not so surprising, avoiding sleep. So I just took the initiative (like old times) and took her off to bed myself. She was crying a bit so W came into her bedroom to take her back. Again she pushed her away, and this time she knew I was going to sleep her as well. Again no biggy, kids do this. W closed the door behind her. I calmed baby and said some nice things about her Mum. Then I noticed she was hiding behind the door. She heard me. 30 minutes sleeping the baby I felt really good.

She had pushed my buttons but I remained calm, focused on listening and validating. Now, baby who I couldn't be brainwashing actually does want to be with her Dad (she feels comfortable with me NOT saying she prefers me or anything), and she heard saying nice things about her to baby.

Then I went back to living room. W was teary. D4 was sad. wants me to sleep in house with her. actually said I want to all live together. when can we live together. W quickly chimed in with std “complicated, grown ups, argue too much, etc”. I hate it, the real reason is because W refuses to work on our M is the real reason - but for sake of Ds I go along with it. Then W mouths that D4 revealed he doesn't like her Mum. I can see the tears in her eyes. She yells at me again. Again I validate. It’s easy when I genuinely feel sorry for her. Anyway, I do my best to calm D4 and make quick exit.

15 minutes earlier I felt great. I felt calm and in control. Now I still mostly felt calm and in control but not good at all . I think I will try harder to get D4 to open up to her Mum. She has seen enough on her own to piece together the situation. But I will redouble efforts to make sure she never overhears anything from me.
It is ironic how the situation feels like it has reversed. The calmer I am, the more frantic she becomes.