hold on! - 9

[u-turn]

It's been a little while since I have posted, but I feel a little like we are / I am stuck in the mud. We do not communicate any more, though we are in the same house.

She provides nothing for me and I provide nothing for her. She will not take any steps toward rebuilding trust and I don't know if I should ask for them again.

I keep saying that I am ready to move on with my life as me/dad. I have not gotten anything out of my marriage in a long time, it has not helped me - I feel like it has only made me worse. I have only thought of the negative feelings and experiences that I have had in the last 15 months and this is casting a dark shadow over the joy that I have experienced with her over the last 21 years.

I have my second IC appointment today and I am nervous about it. Last week's opened up a lot of thoughts and feelings that I have filed away. I don't know what to do with these feelings and emotions any more.

I have been focusing on my work again, focusing on my kids as usual, looking at getting back into the Habitat for Humanity program again (I have enjoyed this in the past).