First off - I'm sorry for the pain & loss you are feeling. I know the last thing you want is advice. But I'm going to give some anyway. Because I don't think you would be putting it all out there for nothing. I've said it before & I will say it again. Dating outside of your culture is different. You have experienced it time & time again. The confusion, the mixed signals. You write it off as "their way" but some of is not that. She was hesitant from the very beginning. She told you she had secrets. She seemed to want a friend. There were so many similarities here to MM (I think it was her but they are melding together right now in my mind). The distaste for the employers. The life she left behind in the Phillipines. The need for. "rescuer" of sorts. Each of the relationships (I think there were 3) started out with a lot of mixed signals, a lot of "different" dating roles (different from our culture) & much confusion for you. The sad part here is that she has now lost her church & group of friends. I'm not sure exactly what happened because you've left out chunks of the story but it is clear that she has a life in the Phillipines that she plans to return to. My suggestion at this point as you want to fill the void in your life is to be very clear on what you want. Do you WANT to take on someone else's children? Even if they are thousands of miles away - they will eventually be part of the picture or else part of a woman's emotional baggage. This one stated she wanted to adopt. How did that make you feel? Did you want to eventually be part of that? If not - you should have ended it then. I urge you to try dating someone with a similar background to your own. I think you have it in your head that it would not work but there are thousands of single women out there and I'm sure the right one for you is among them. Maybe you can take a class - photography, perhaps? Where you can meet women of diverse cultures - not just Adventists. Time to take stock of your dating from the last 3 years or so.Try not to repeat the same things that have caused you grief. Mainly - misreading signals & trying to build from there. I'm not trying to beat you up here when you are down but repeating the same patterns is not working and I hope you can see this better now while it is still fresh. Short term pain for long term gain. Incidentally - I cried harder & more intensely when my short term Rebound relationship ended than when my marriage broke up. I, too, had read far more into it than was actually there. I think I grieved most for "what could have been" than for what I was actually losing. Can you relate? I also recovered quickly, too, when I out it all into perspective. Feel better, my friend. There is someone out there who will love you as you deserve. Keep on, keeping on,
