MY STORY IS UGLY BUT AT LEAST IM LEARNING

[MrBond]

"Do you know if they have these books availeable on iTunes or audio?"

I'm not sure, but you MUST get the books in order to understand the concepts and actions we will be suggesting to you.

"Also, my wife has every reason to leave. I don't want her to but I understand if she does. She forgave me over and over again."

You never answered my questions. When you were carrying on your A's, how many of them were there? How long of a period was this? We need specifics.

"Yes, I hit bottom 5 months ago when she disconnected and I lost her emotionally.
It woke me up. I have made huge permenant changes including identifying many things through weekly therapy and spiritual counsel and awakening."

First of all, be honest with yourself. Your changes aren't "permanent". In fact, you only started changing 5 months ago and had repeated A's. That's hardly enough time to say that something is permanent. And the only reason why you felt that way is because she finally had enough sense to leave. If she didn't, you would have continued on your own selfish ways. You have to be brutally honest with yourself to see that.

"Ultimately I will continue with my life change even if she leaves which it appears she will."

This is you feeling sorry for yourself. Sorry but maybe if you had one A but not multiple ones. You didn't respect her or your son.

"I always had guilt with the A's now I have even more as I realize the perm damage I have done to my W, my Son and my family."

I don't think so. I think you liked the attention and continued to see what you could get away with. You might have even prided yourself on how many times you were able to get away with it.

Be honest here with us. It's the only way you're going to make it through.

When you had your A's, did you come out and confess them on your own or did you only do it because you were caught? Who were these women? Detail your exploits here in as much detail as you can. That will help us to see patterns.

Also, detail your whole marital history. How things were at the beginning, what changes happened, etc. The more detailed you are the better.

And last but not least, answer this question honestly - Why would your W want to stay with you if you betrayed her trust so many times in the past? I mean you haven't really "changed". It sounds like you're just scared because now she's getting some self respect for her after years of abuse by you.