W just called from work like she normally does to check on the kids. I was cordial and upbeat on the phone and kept the conversation about the kids or how work was going.
Near the end of the call, W said that she wants to schedule a discussion/dinner to talk about things. She said that she knows I'm doing good but it is hard for her right now. W said that she loves me so much and just wants to be fair when dividing things up. W also stated that it would be good just to talk.
I told W that it shouldn't be a problem and I would have to look at my schedule to see what night would work. --- W has had passing discussions with me about how she doesn't want to get a L involved if we were to get a D. I have spoken to a L in the past but it was only a consultation. I have never initiated the conversation about D but I also haven't been scared off by W if she brought it up. I have said things like, "I don't want a D but that looks like where we are headed..."
Our most recent conversation to this point was simply about sorting out the finances.
I wonder if W has mistaken my detachment during this period as my complicity in wanting a D?
Should I delay this discussion? How should I respond if she wants to talk about specifics regarding a D? What should be my approach from a LRT perspective?
Oh, and just to update a question from my previous journaling, W has most definitely not broken off contact with OM. It probably makes sense to delay any discussion with OM's wife until after this sit down conversation with my W, right?
Please don't miss my prior post. I'm still a newbie on DB.
Personally, I wouldn't discuss divorce with her at all. I'd just say:
"At this time....I don't want a divorce so if you do, then you pursue it all on your own. I'll hire my own attorney and he/she can discuss divorce with you or your attorney. I will not be a complicit participant in the destruction of OUR family"
As MWD teaches us. Affairs end in time. The less you participate in and delay any divorce the more likely your wife will:
1. end her affair 2. observe your changes 3. Come home
Pursuing and helping plan a divorce is more likely to result in a divorce.
Reserve the right to change your mind later (I edited to add "At this time"). There may come a day you are ready and willing to divorce her all by yourself.
An added bonus. Wayward wives have trouble running to the bank and going to the grocery store in the same day. They are fixated and monopolized by watching their phones and laptops for the next twitter, instant message and email joke. Throwing the entire divorce thing in their lap is a HUGE undertaking that they just can't handle along with maintaining their adulterous relationship. Your wife wants more than just your consent. She wants you to make it easy and quick for her. She wants YOU to handle the details. Don't. Just say "no, not interested", then distract with something off-topic like "how about those Braves".
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
