Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Zues126]

What's important is you're thinking about it. It's like learning a new language. You don't learn the language overnight, but with consistent exposure you pick it up. No different here. You are starting to build new perspectives, mantras, and thought patterns it takes time.

For example, what you've mentioned so far:

-Stopping and reflecting vs. reacting. Very good plan. Instead of assuming you know best and that what you feel is right, acknowledge that you're not so hot with knowing what's best for everyone at all times.

-Validating others' points of view. Yes. Right or wrong, their feelings are "true" to them. Why is that? Instead of being threatened because of what that means to you, or how that will impact you, be curious about where their values/beliefs/perspectives are different to come up with those conclusions. I've always liked the motto "Curious not furious".

There's more, but these are good concepts to embrace. At first it will be very painstaking and deliberate. Eventually it will become habitual. And then concepts that you will start to learn over the next weeks will become your next "deliberate work". Then they'll become habitual. Pretty soon things that would rock your world, tweak you out, and threaten you today...they just won't hit you the same way. And that creates a positive cycle, because as you feel less threatened and wounded, it will make this type of growth even easier as you'll be in your own way less and less.

For that reason self care is important as well. I remember when I started feeling like "I know what I'm supposed to think and do, but it's so darn painful, I'm just not able to do it". Specifically, being rejected sexually by my W was unbearably painful for me. I KNEW I wasn't supposed to pressure her, or manipulate her. I just didn't know how to deal with the pain I felt, so I chose to do it anyway because I felt like I had no alternative. HOWEVER- by getting in touch with your own feelings, supporting yourself, etc, you will reduce that pain. And that's important as well both so you can grow, and just for the sake that we actually do care about you and don't want you to be suffering.

It's easier to start with behavior because that is external and somewhat easier to control. Plus you have to avoid doing further damage to others. But while self care is more abstract, I do believe it's something you should put "on deck".

Again, not all in one night. That's impossible. But if you keep reflecting, posting, and avoid quitting or reacting, you'll learn a lot around here. Honestly I can't believe how much I've changed in 9 months. The best part is I feel like I have a long road to go. That's not scary to me. That's exciting. Because I am starting to like who I am, and I'm excited to see that I may someday become the man I always wanted to be. I might even have the chance to share that Zues2.0 with a woman and allow her to feel the love I have in my heart for her instead of burying it under controlling behavior.

Later, Z.