Ontheup, IT's not that i don't see a way back to my marriage, actually my entire post is more about how liberating and free i feel knowing that me detaching from the marriage has helped me grow as a person, and as you said yes i will be just fine without my W, but i still see a path back to the life i once had. i am just at peace with the knowledge it will probably not happen. i think that was the point i was trying to make the entire time. Life is wild, life is sporatic, and without a doubt unpredictable i can't sit here and say what will happen tomorrow but i sure can say i can do my best to influence those things and learn and grow from them. all the while i hope that my W see's those same things and learns and grows from them. and maybe just maybe our paths will cross again someplace down the road and we will be better for it! hope you understand where i am coming from, and see i dont feel finality just freedom from burden!
Yesterday the weirdest thing happened to me, well in my eyes anyhow. I went to the house and my W was there. At this time we are packing up the place because i am downsizing, kind of tired of living in a 3br alone. So W has found a new place and so have I. Well i walked in and she smiled and said hello. I smiled and returned the hello. We were talking a little bit about my next duty assignment and she says "oh i was at longs drug store and i saw refills for your electric razor for $3 so i got you two boxes. I laughed because i had done the exact same thing the day prior, but in my head it kind of baffled me; why would she actually took the time to stop and think about me while shopping, and then actually buy me something even as little as refills. So we talked a little bit more, and then she got ready to leave as she was walking out the door i realized she forgot her office keys on the counter so i said “i think your forgetting something” and jingled her keys she turned around and smiled and came to get the keys. It was a strange feeling when she took the keys from me she actually leaned in really close and locked eyes with me, almost leaning for a kiss, now maybe i was mind reading but the look i saw in her eyes was a look i had seen for 8 years and have not seen these past 6 months. I handed her the keys smiled one last time and said you take care and have a good night. Just wanted to get that off my chest thank you everyone for all you guidance.
Basic male-female laws of attraction, Rys -- not odd at all. "Thrill of the chase," and women (and men too sometimes) want what they can't have. This shows me that you've done a good job of detaching, and for that brief moment she was trying to see if she still "had it" -- that ability to reel you in if she wanted to.
Not suggesting your marriage is done at all. Only meaning that about the state of mine as it currently stands. I stress the word currently as I have no idea what my future holds. Agree totally on feeling a sense of i'll be fine either way.
Odd isn't it when WAW take some interest again. My wife occasionally does similar things. Don't read anything into it. hard not to.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Ontheup, I thank you for the brain check, it helps me stay grounded, i have been doing rather well not reading into anything, i saw it how starsky stated kinda a fishing tactic on her part. i did not bite. I hope things continue to progress for both of us in the right way!
Interesting regarding your W trying to get you to bite. At what point would you bite Rysin? If she tried to initiate sex for example, what would you do? Cave in in hope it was the start of reconciliation or enforce a boundary that you wouldn't have sex with your W if OM still in the picture?
You never know, this may be something you have to deal with...so maybe it's best to give it and other similar situations a think.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Interesting regarding your W trying to get you to bite. At what point would you bite Rysin? If she tried to initiate sex for example, what would you do? Cave in in hope it was the start of reconciliation or enforce a boundary that you wouldn't have sex with your W if OM still in the picture?
You never know, this may be something you have to deal with...so maybe it's best to give it and other similar situations a think.
That is the hardest thing to imagine. I would like to say i am strong enough to say no. But who here would be 100% certain they would be strong enough to turn down the one they love even through detachment. That is a bitter pill to swallow and think about. Because even though i am strong enough to hold out on kissing my W ATM if it came to that. but if she really made a move to have sex i cannot say that i am strong enough to say no, that type of craving is still there. But all i can do is try and hope that it doesnt come to that, or that i am strong enough to hold out. and keep doing my thing.
Agree that the sex thing is a very tough one. I'm still very attracted to my wife too. Doesn't make it easy. And it's pretty common for people to have some sort of breakup sex. But it usually is what the name is saying: 'breakup' sex. It's the most convenient form of taking care of sexual desires. Plus it's something we 'can't really have' so it's appealing.
Let's just say it like that: it's most likely not too good to give in on it and better to say no, especially if there's s a slightest chance of reconciliation. It would "ruin" the 'reconciliation-sex'. On the other hand if done right it might not change the outcome at all (maybe wishful thinking bc we just want it so bad). But if you can't say no and end up doing it, you better make sure you 'do it right', which means, go back after to as if it never ever happened!? Most likely WAS will think after it was a mistake because it eventually hurt the other person and they might regret it. So you gotta really be careful not to get emotional during and after. Complicated. If you simply don't do it, it doesn't have the chance to get complicated. Not an easy task for us men. If my W would've initiated sth today I probably would've went for it with no hesitation lol, knowing it's probably not smart. So what to do to prevent it? And what to do if we weren't able to? Is there anyone here that has experienced this issue?
Last edited by Complex; 04/19/1510:48 PM.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
