I also love the Magnificent Seven. Who's your favorite? Mine... Yul Brynner.
This is clearly a post of do what I say and not what I do. I'm the poster child for the great wall of China, and I've openly let people know in my recent and long ago past that my children were my #1 and #2 priorities, and that there was no room for any more at the inn. That's also very true. But the easy reason behind it was so eloquently put by you, R. Last summer, I put myself into therapy because I was generally down. I had lost the first of 3 people very important to me, and I just wasn't bouncing along happily enough for my own satisfaction. Surprisingly, I managed to completely address my grief in 2 sessions, but still felt I hadn't figured stuff out.
MUCH to my further surprise, the V word came up... again, and again, and again. You know, vulnerability. Like ya'll here, I'm really bad at being vulnerable - I always have been bad at it, and I got worse after the D. The problem is that I want intimate relationships with people. I don't just mean sexual ones - I mean spiritually close relationships with those in my inner circle. And it's just not possible without vulnerability. My problem and solution are the catch 22.
My counselor had me hook into Brene Brown. She sure hit a nerve. I highly recommend googling her TED talks and proceeding from there. She reminded me that I'll never have what I want the most if I don't put myself in the position to be vulnerable.
Since I don't have anyone around that interests me at the moment, I just work on the relationships I have in my life. I work at being authentic with my D21, Mr. W., my sister, her hubs and my parents the most. Because I trust them. My C gave me that homework so I can work at keeping my heart from continuing to harden and to prepare myself for something good by keeping my cynicism and sarcasm at bay. It's awfully tempting, and sometimes I give in to it. (Think Maleficent cursing Aurora because there is no such thing as true love...)
Anyway, you'll all get there when you're ready to jump in the pool, right?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
