Hello all, I would like to say thank you for this forum and all those who have had to hurt for the knowledge they share here.
Anyway about my reasons for being here. I have hurt my wifes heart. I have hardened it for way to many times and to many years before realizing the great pains I have caused to the most precious thing I had. Blinded by pride. I was a very hurt and foolish man. It is such a shame that it had to come to this before I learned what and how I was not the person I could of been for so long. I am lucky and special that my wife stayed as long as she did. 14 years together. 8 years married. We have been separated for almost 3 months now. she did not want to D until my pushing, begging, tears, all other totally wrong stuff forced her to drop the bomb 3 weeks ago. as bad as it sounds that put my head back on my shoulders and helped me realize how I was continuing to push her away. I realized how I had hurt her very close to the beginning of the separation and wanted to tear that part of me away and replace with so much better. I have been very successful with that to the point where many ppl including my wife have noticed. I truly am fixing those things for me. I do wish I would of seen those things so long ago as to save my wifes heart from so much pain. we still have not gone more than a single day without communicating but a lot of that is due to the 3 wonderful kids we have. I have made many sacrifices and given up some very powerful hands for the benefit of them but realize it will probably cost me my wife. oh how such a wonderful women who loved me so much has had to turn so cold to save what was left of her heart. she is in a very dark deluded place right now and become very hard toward so many things in life. In the last month I have made great progress ass well but also taken many steps back due to legal issues of a separation agreement we are trying to work out. it strikes so much pain in me I sometimes forget the path I must hold if I am to have any chance to save what great future and dreams we have shared. anyway ppl I will update more info and appreciate any advice or guidance you good ppl may have. Thank you!
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Hi all, i find it frightening how fast the wife can move from being reasonable to full out anger and lash out at me with such near hatred. i try to remain the lighthouse in those instances and not get pulled into a fight but that is where i take steps backward to many times. she usually apologizes later and admits she is so angry at me. she has also told me that i completely broke her heart and when it healed it healed very hard. she says she cannot risk her heart to me again. i can not blame her. is it possible to soften her heart toward me again or will those scares forever be their? Right now all she can see is the pain of the relationship. In time will she allow the good things we have had to come to the surface again? Much of the pain she has from me is from her feeling rejected by me in angry times. we are very very passionate toward one another and both stubborn ppl. we always had an amazing sex life. have both been very successful career ppl and have built many great things together. we have moved from the couple everyone had bet on to near complete self destruction. she has fought hard for this marriage and is hard to see her completely give up now that i see so many things clearly and want to better them. i realize i am probably in the "to little to late" category. All i have left is to gal and use total agreement to try to build some sort of a bridge between the great distance she holds her heart from me. Has anyone done this? Can it be done to build something greater and safer than before? Will she ever trust her heart to me again? Thank you.
Hi all, i find it frightening how fast the wife can move from being reasonable to full out anger and lash out at me with such near hatred. i try to remain the lighthouse in those instances and not get pulled into a fight but that is where i take steps backward to many times. she usually apologizes later and admits she is so angry at me. she has also told me that i completely broke her heart and when it healed it healed very hard. she says she cannot risk her heart to me again. i can not blame her. is it possible to soften her heart toward me again or will those scares forever be their? Right now all she can see is the pain of the relationship. In time will she allow the good things we have had to come to the surface again? Much of the pain she has from me is from her feeling rejected by me in angry times. we are very very passionate toward one another and both stubborn ppl. we always had an amazing sex life. have both been very successful career ppl and have built many great things together. we have moved from the couple everyone had bet on to near complete self destruction. she has fought hard for this marriage and is hard to see her completely give up now that i see so many things clearly and want to better them. i realize i am probably in the "to little to late" category. All i have left is to gal and use total agreement to try to build some sort of a bridge between the great distance she holds her heart from me. Has anyone done this? Can it be done to build something greater and safer than before? Will she ever trust her heart to me again? Thank you.
The answers to all your questions are - YES But their are no guarantees, and DB'ing is counterintutive.
Hi again. I find it curios that for so long the waw can keep focusing on all the bad and keep any good memories away. I know things were not always perfect but she always said how happy, lucky and proud she was to have me. then somehow all the years worth of small mistakes and hurt mixed with a breaking moment of anger from me let all of those smaller mistakes grow into something she must feel is to tall to climb. But as db, dr says reason does not live here. so much to be learned here.
We are in similar circumstances. I hardened my W's heart over 18 years and drove her to a OM. We are on the brink, she says she is going to file and move out. Read my posting under Newcomers. MY STORY IS UGLY.
Keep doing what you are doing. Pull wayyyy back!
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
Yes thank you, I have pulled way back. took me over 2 months to get back to grips and realize my breaking down was not helping. we have separated in the past and I have never done that. The timing of so many things where to heavy to carry and I broke. Funny that this was what she wanted to see in me for so many years but when I comes to late it just seems to anger them. well she knows I love her,lol. I have been fairly strong and held together for some time now. its how she loves to try to provoke me so often and at the slightest bit of standing up for myself she begins to punish and hate. she cried and told me of the many hurts she has from me and I had the opportunity to acknowledge her pain and my regret in causing it. Time will tell weather she wants me back in her heart I guess. if that day comes I must be ready and fixed to never allow that pain to her again. anyway bye for now.
