So I am in 100% understanding that detachment is not a tactic or a ploy. Actually it is all too clear once you begin to the process exactly what it is. Now from my perspective and experience it is a lot like Divorce. Now let me clarify what i mean. When you detach you make a true decision to let go, to say to yourself and to your spouse "listen this is not working for me and i can no longer continue on this path. I need to start living life to fix myself and make myself happy. I hope that you find what you are looking for and i wish you the best. I am going in x,y,z direction and you are going in a,b,c direction. Maybe one day our path will overlap but for the moment i am choosing this path because it is best for me." Now to me that does conjure an image of divorce, maybe i am wrong but that is what i think of when i envision D actually happening. I am not talking about the negative feelings, stigma or the feeling of finality but there has to be something said about actually letting go.
The most freeing feeling hit me about a month ago when a 1 ton revelation was dropped on my head! I am for all intended purposes in love with the woman my W was. And right now she is not the same woman. So i am holding on to an image of the person she was and not seeing the person she has now become. The hardest part was knowing that you would at times see the old woman come out but then it was right back to the new person all over again. After that i started seeing things differently. And things have been much smoother since this realization.
So maybe people do not like my use of the word Divorce but to me detaching feels like it but in a positive light if you can humor me. The moment i let my W truly go was the moment i truly began my road to being happy again. I no longer sit at home and long for her company like i did for the past 4 months, lying in bed is no longer painful and cold. Yes i do miss her, yes sometimes it’s hard, but for the most part every day is another day that i am taking that step to self-identification and joy. So if you are reading this know that detachment is not a tactic and once you have chosen it, it will take hold of you and take you to new heights, welcome that feeling, it is freeing and wonderful especially knowing everything that each and every one of us have been through.
If none of you have ever heard the song "No Regrets" by Gary allan. Check it out, it blew my mind when i heard it. It was so powerful to me that i started learning how to play it on guitar. Have a blessed day!
