Ok - a few comments to finish off a few items from my last thread...
Originally Posted By: Georgiabelle
I trusted x Mr. GB implicitly, and while I agree everyone can move forward and have a wonderful life, I don't know if I agree with some that think you *get over* this. I do feel like this alters you permanently and it is your choice how you proceed. Still, it is virtually impossible for me to imagine trusting someone like that again. 2x4 me. I'm okay with it:)
and
Originally Posted By: HeavyD
I am with you. I don't think I will ever trust or love anyone again. My walls are soooo high. I too don't think I cold ever bring anyone new into my kids lives. I just don't feel comfortable with it. Call me paranoid or bitter, but that's my hoest emotion.
I talked about the subject of trust a few threads ago and I really liked Zew's response.....
Originally Posted By: zew
Raliced, this thought crosses my mind as well, and when it does, I remind myself of what trust is. Trust comes from observing a consistent response to a given stimulus. Simple as that. You will trust again. Even in lesser matters, your H will, over time, give a consistent response, (good or bad) and you will learn to trust that.
In other words, you will learn to expect a response to any given situation. It may sound a little Pavlovian. It also reminds me that we are told not to have expectations, and yet, that's all that trust is. Just goes to show how fragile it is.
I think my issue is not so much believing I could trust again, but doubting I would allow myself to be vulnerable enough to enter into a situation where I could potentially get hurt again. Maybe I'm parsing the distinction between Trust and Vulnerability a little too much. I guess you can't have one without the other. Oh and honestly - I've probably evolved into more of a "Trust but Verify" mindset these days. I see it popping up everywhere - not just with STBX - the days of blind faith in my fellow man may have evaporated permanently.
Originally Posted By: Mozza
My WW left me saying this is what she was seeking. For me, it's different from feeling whole. I also feel more like myself now, without the compromises of an R. But much like having a job or kids make me feel connected to the human experience, so does being in a couple. I even love the responsibilities that come with it. The other day, I had a crying fit watching House M.D. because a husband was asked to make life-or-death decisions for his unconscious wife and I was so sad to have been stripped of that responsibility. Have I been untrustworthy? That's an example of feeling whole to me.
Mozza- I think that, yes, we are looking at the concept of "whole " a little differently. I don't want to spark a big gender discussion here- but there's a lot of literature out there about how women still tend to give up parts of themselves in marriage. Maybe that's true, maybe not, or maybe it's changing. I can say in my marriage - I reached out to embrace my STBX's tastes and interests, but he did not do the same. So while I learned to love Fantasy football and even embraced NASCAR so that we could enjoy them together, he never made any effort to watch Masterpiece Theater with me so that we could have some lively highbrow discussion. And by the way, I'm not blaming him for that at all. He didn't ask these things of me, and I don't believe I ever asked him. Lesson definitely learned.
