Life after D - 01 - going from dark to light

[gogofo]

Last weekend I GAL pretty good. Went out with some friends on Friday night and ended up talking with a couple different women, so that helped stroke the ego. All were younger than me, which is nice since I see myself as getting older and not being as desirable.

The XW and I have similar reading goals to help improve our lives. I do not want to be "Mr. Nice Guy" and she wants to be a "Bitch". I saw a copy of "Why Men Love Bitches" which I assume is very similar to the book I am reading.

Saturday I went to watch my friends band play and talked with some friends I had not seen in quite a while. Received good support from them as they said they felt I had done all that I could to save the M and it is her loss. It is nice to have the support of friends. Some were telling me that I took on too much of the responsibility for the issues in the M.

Communication with the XW is still only as necessary. I don't get involved in conversations with her. We only talk if it involves the kids or scheduling.

I was trying not to smirk yesterday as she told me she decided not to go to Spain. She previously planned on going for her friends wedding, which we had talked about turning into a little vacation for us. Well she got the dates and wanted to go for a week. Yesterday she said that she was not going to go because it is "complicated". What that means I am not exactly sure, but I know part of it is figuring out what to do with the kids when she is gone. I would have watched them, but I did not tell her that. It was up to her to plan what to do.

Emotionally I have been more stable as there have not been as many dips, and the dips are not as low. There have not been as many highs though. I have been feeling tired quite a bit and un-motivated. I need to set some GAL goals and keep moving and start up my exercise routines again, but over the last two weeks I have kind of stagnated.

I have been smiling since Friday night though. Feeling like I have something to offer and even having a women come up to talk to me is quite the ego boost. Probably will try to work a contact with one into a date. I see her at a cafe I eat at and never knew if she was old enough to drink so I just kind of watched her and never gave her much thought. Well she came up to me on Friday and chatted me up.

Sunday I was in the cafe with a friend and she was working and kind of gave me a different kind of look, maybe slight embarrassment. We were both drinking, me way more than her is a good assumption as parts of the conversation slip my mind. But anyhow I think I will chat her up next time I eat there, use some self deprecation because I have no issue being embarrassed, and see if she is interested in meeting up. What do I have to lose... NOTHING.