- I don't feel anything for you, I'm done with you. (I pointed out that anger was an emotion.) -Nothing will change - I don't know what I want (likely, and still true) - My H thought that going to therapy was going to be a magical fix. His exact wording was, "I thought the therapist was going to say something and it was just going to magically click and be better again." Now that he's having to put the work in on himself....he realizes that it's hard.
I would caution you about marriage counseling while this angry. In my case, my H went to .....four? MC before he just announced that he was only doing it to make me feel better and blah blah blah blah, I don't even have the energy to re-hash it.
Perhaps individual therapy might be a better alternative until he's more on board with MC?
....just speaking from experience.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
Yikes sounds like same guy! LOL I am going to individual therapist tomorrow to get some of my self assuredness back. Its funny how it makes you feel so needy and desperate when a year ago I was just fine. I am really curious to know if his feelings are just masked and if he can get them back? probably only if he wants to do the work which right now he says he does but he does not back it up with any type of action.
I appreciate on the sound advice. I feel better already just knowing I am not alone and its not all my fault that are marriage is very rocky right now.
S, that's the way to think girl. You sound like a strong person that is going through a tough time in her life.
Hang in there. It may be for a while that you will be in this situation, so do no panic, do not run... take it one day at a time. Make the most to enjoy yourself, get your kid and have some fun time, even if it is just minutes.
Try to be positive, upbeat when he is around. In my experience, I let my H roller coaster to get the best of me. I finally got this. I was doing many things to show I am moving on with my life but I was always allowing him to be part of it.
Finally, I understand that I need to give myself some space too and I need to show with my actions that I respect myself, that I am able to move on without him, that I want him back but not just for a few hours. That's not acceptable.
My H may be in MLC, even my IC says he think so. But his problem is his own issue alone, and he needs to deal with it in his own time. Meantime, I am working on the things I can get better. For 18 years in the marriage, I lost my own identity and I need to rewrite myself now.
So, be gentle with yourself, take one day at a time, relax your heart a little. It is very hard everything you are living now. But it get easier with time.
We will be with you in this journey, you will be OK with your H or without him. I am sending a big hug to you, the one that will give you hope for the next hard day.
Made it thru the weekend. Thanks Pink17 for the post. You sound to be in a good place yourself. He came over this morning to pick up our child I threw up the door and walked away saying I was late I then hurried around the house getting my stuff. He wanted to show my some motorcycles he was looking at so I stopped and looked and said which one I liked then I said ok I have to go and said bye guys and left.
He does not text or call me unless it has to do with our child. I had been texting him once every other day but have given that up unless it is something to do with our child. We originally were doing date nights and family nights which I initiated by asking. I have stopped that. I figure if he really wants to get marriage back on track he will initiate otherwise I am doing my own thing.
It is hard to forget about him but at this point I just keep coming up with things to keep me busy and focus on I am good person and I am strong and not needy or desperate and worse case scenario he leaves, goes with OP but I will still have my child, family and home.
I have not talked with him all day and just now he text me about a vehicle he wants to buy telling me he almost bought it. I think he was waiting for me to say no or you should but all I did was say oh okay and I got a few more texts and then that was it. Weird?
I have not talked with him all day and just now he text me about a vehicle he wants to buy telling me he almost bought it. I think he was waiting for me to say no or you should but all I did was say oh okay and I got a few more texts and then that was it. Weird?
No not wierd he thinks you are his mother and he was looking for your approval.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
So today we have couples therapy which is going no place because he puts no effort in except to show up and he told me on the phone that he doesn't want to go because it makes him feel angry and it goes no where. No kidding. I feel like saying to him then stop going if you don't want to because if you don't want to be there then it isn't going to do any good.
So today we have couples therapy which is going no place because he puts no effort in except to show up and he told me on the phone that he doesn't want to go because it makes him feel angry and it goes no where. No kidding. I feel like saying to him then stop going if you don't want to because if you don't want to be there then it isn't going to do any good.
^^^^^^ You will get a better ROI throwing cash in the air and trying to catch it:) Waste of time at this juncture. Focus on you and hang in there!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
