After I had come to the realization that I no longer felt that connection either, the push-pull dynamic kicked in and her rhetoric and attitude changed significantly.
A couple of nights ago I came home from taking D11 out and she had apparently had some sort of epiphany; she realized how much she missed and needed me after all. She wanted to really jump in to rebuilding our marriage. She had regained her respect and attraction for me, apparently. My reaction was less than enthusiastic.
This shift in the dynamics is exactly what I wanted for the two of you. When the LBH finally drops the emotional rope he had looped around her.....she knows it is for real. Now she is feeling what she should have been feeling two months ago.
Your emotions have battle fatigue. They have been shot down and beaten up so many times until you don't know what to feel right now. I wished to goodness the two of you had just separated a few months ago. I think it would have been a healing process.
You really....REALLY must take a few days away from her! Now! Not later, but today! I don't care where you have to go, just get away from her. Give yourself a break and do not put any pressure on yourself about making a decision. You are in no condition to make a decision regarding your marital status. You are wanting to get out of the "situation" b/c it is sukking the life out of you, and your emotions are saying it must mean you don't love her anymore. Strangely enough, that is how a WAS feels!
Stop telling her that you don't love her. Just tell her you don't know how you feel right now. Tell her you are leaving and don't know when or if you'll be back. You need some time and space. ;)Don't tell her where you will be staying. Tell her not to contact you unless it is a real emergency. Keep is short and simple. I mean it.
Remember how I said the WW has to experience loss? For the first time she is feeling the threat of losing you. Does it mean she's changed over night? IDK, but it could shake her out of her fantasy enough for her to finally see what a fool she's been. And just maybe, that she really wants you.
It is very important that you do not pursue her whatsoever right now. She needs to feels the fear of losing you......and knowing she is to blame. You don't tell her all of that, but she will know it in her heart.
You need to let her work to get you back again. Not for punishment, but that will deepen her desire, and I'm sure you want her to desire you. Keep your mouth shut about telling her anything. Don't tell her she'll have to work to get you, nor give her instructions how to do it.
The only exception is when she comes to you with a humble spirit, remorseful, and wants to know what it would take for you to stay. She may not say it in those words, but you'll know the message.
Again, IMO, you must get out of the house and away from any contact with her. Now!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
