All I Wanna Do Is..Get A Little Closer #12

[Georgiabelle]

KML& Wonka-thanks for the insight. It is always appreciated.

Wonka, I will check out Bryon Katie. I don't know what it is. Part of the appeal to this guy was that he is (and I don't want to offend anyone) blue collar and seemed kind of "regular." I have a large gaggle of guy friends and we really connect over the humor and intellectually for the most part. However, I don't think this guy thought I was funny and that was so weird for me as (and I will sound like I'm bragging), guys have always thought I was funny. I guess I thought I would try something different. I like really funny guys-that was what attracted me to X Mr. GB. He was fall on the floor funny. Now the sight of him just makes me want to fall on the floor (I kid!!). X Mr. GB is not a bad guy at all.

I guess I wonder if anyone will ever really be attracted to me? Have they been? I don't know. I was with my x bf for 7 years and we met when we were both 21. Although young, he was always very mature in many aspects-except when he pushed me to get breast implants (I did not). However, I was so terribly insecure that I think he thought he was offering a solution. He was a very good looking guy and was constantly hit on. I always wondered if I was "attractive enough" (whatever the pho that means). With x Mr. GB, I didn't think that until he left a message breaking up with me...

I'm not sure. I guess I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop in Rs. I know that is negative thinking and probably creates that self fulfilling prophecy. However, (I'm just being honest), it seems like if I switch gears and *try* to think positively, I'm met with disappointment. Of course, all of these men say I'm too independent and never vulnerable. Do I just stay detached from everyone? Sorry if I sound like a negative nelly...I'm just trying to be candid. I really don't know. I guess I can imagine a R, however, I don't imagine the connection being very deep or lasting.