Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[MrBond]

"this is her priority? I suppose it is - she is anxious to get on with her new life. but I am angry. just like I am angry whenever I see mail come for her and she has reverted to using her maiden name."

You are angry because for once in your relationship, she is in control and not you.

"i want to establish where the family will be relocating before we sell the house. is this too much too ask?"

No, but that's not what you're doing. She doesn't want you to get a foothold in like you used to. She doesn't want you to keep controlling the situation as you have in the past. I know I've repeatedly mentioned this, but you don't seem to understand. You're going to have to learn how to compromise with her and communicate. Rather than you expecting her to do what you want her to.

"3: she rubs it in and accuses me of being a pathetic child for not being as "cold" as her"

I don't see where she actually SAID that. That's your own hurt feelings coming through.

If you really want to start changing the direction of the boat, you are going to have to STFU and quiet your own ego. Actually LISTEN to what she has to say and understand it. Then validate that she actually has a right to think on her own. You don't seem to want to acknowledge that.

Learn to listen and you'll be able to glean some insight as to what to do. Keep reading DB.