Pyrite: Eye of the storm?

[Pyrite]

Not being totally committed to the marriage is usually a defense mechanism. It can be "sour grapes", it can be a way to avoid looking in the mirror. It can also stem from resentment as discussed (look how she treated me, I deserve better!). Finally, it can come from a tendency to "get it over with". People think it's easier to give up so there is no more limbo. What they don't realize is that the consequences of the D will be just as eternal, and the consequences of the lack of skills will be even greater by walking away.

Neither you nor your WAW want the M you had. The question is would you be willing to build a better M that worked for both of you? The new M is better because of shared history, children, and MOST IMPORTANTLY because you will both have developed the skills needed to get through a war together. Run from this M and it's possible your life becomes a series of 7-10 year R's that fall apart at a certain point. But if you learn the skills to get through a crisis like this, you will not only have a better M, but you will have a lasting M. SO THE ROAD TO SAVING YOUR M IS ACTUALLY THE SAME AS THE ROAD TO HEALING, BECOMING A BETTER MAN, AND PREPARING FOR YOUR NEXT M WITH A DIFFERENT PERSON. Since those roads don't diverge why not walk the path, avoid burning bridges, and giving yourself the best of all options?

Doing this a section at a time - at work. Absolutely Z. This was one of my arguments after BD. Of course she didn't want to hear it. In a sense the D R is like the M R. We will always be family, through the children. Our wedding day started us down a path to last forever and so will D day. BD was just the first step and in a way the easiest or simplest. My 4 year old has cycled back in her grief and last night was begging/crying to come and stay with me. She doesn't understand why it is more complicated than me just giving Mum a present to be my best friend again.

I think I have posted here as well. After BD I even said to her that this is an opportunity for us. I can see that when we are retired and the kids gone, we might look back on this as the moment which gave us a beautiful M. I still do believe that.

I am torn for all the reasons you mention, an something Sherman mentioned weeks ago "could I be happy if she DIDN"T change anything". I suppose the answer to that is NO. But, I think the reality is that these changes MOSTLY need airing and the freedom to communicate when they are occurring. On both sides of course.